Light out

It's game over for Guiding Light as the 15,762nd and final episode is transmitted over the daytime airwaves. And with that, 72 years of drama, pathos, and tragedy come to an end.

Now that the death of daytime drama is official, perhaps the network will come to recognize that soap operas need to operate under a new paradigm. No more "Will X tell Y the truth about Z?" and all that jazz. That crap has been long played out, and indeed is replicated daily on many an anonymous reality series craptacular.

But most of all, the trailer court values need to go. That above all is what has turned people off to daytime. There is no moral value center. The creative process has turned to plot points and the theatre of the absurd where moral values are tossed out the window regularly.

A story grounded in the moral right will always triumph. Audiences will only invest in characters which they care about. 

A lesson learned too little, too late for GL, and other potential departures from the canvas in the future.

Thuggin' it and lovin' it

Did you work this Labor Day? 

Because the original purpose of the holiday was to celebrate and encourage the great American work ethic, that powerful force which built this country into greatness.

Instead, most of us use this day to slouch and otherwise avoid labor, in the nature of the parasite nation which this country has become.

Those in the know make a point of doing nothing but productive things on this date, in homage to the intent of the holiday.

For all others, there is at least the sore temptation of the culture of death to comfort them.

Enjoy your rest day, for the corporatists may demand your blood to-morrow by declaring you surplus and placing you on permanent holiday.

Work is life. Indolence is death.

---

To-morrow, yet more bodies will drop in Port Charles. Pray that no Quartermaines breathe their last. They are endangered enough.

Thanx, Guza.

Celebrate fascism!

What passes for the mainstream media these days is a joke. The microscopic intelligences of the so called "journalists" that pass for media professionals is in such evidence daily as their trends of thought only follow those insipid, well trod ends that in all inevitability support the State as lord and master. The media is to a man (save the brave John Stossel) in favor of the police state, of government control, of our Leaders imposing random terror upon the populace, of manipulation of the economy to favor the few at the expense of the many (though it is sold otherwise).

Witness the average evening "breaking" newscast. Virtually every item involves some State depredation or another. The news is filled with stories of the destruction of lives, careers, livelihoods by State mercenaries. The foolish, braindead "reporters" all along simply cheer for the State, favoring the edict and the pronouncement of the bureaucrat over the real hardship of the powerless.

A certain top rated network affiliate in this city is an especially egregious offender in this regard. It is an open secret that the popularity of its newscast is due to its intense focus on the community's "war" against the criminal element. The news staff seems to obtain a sort of orgiastic wish fulfillment through the participation in the destruction of other peoples' lives. They offer generous amounts of airtime to chronicling and otherwise extolling the "good works" of the police, the bureaucratic authorities, and other thugs with badges who predate on those who harm no one, but have run afoul of one of the State's numerous traps and dragnets. All along, the entire business only produces positive benefits for the careers of the talentless half wits - almost to a person, all young, barely educated, and ready at a moment's notice to catch the next train to the next biggest market when it departs - who comprise what the station laughingly considers journalists. Imagine what can be said for the guiding minds, unseen behind the cameras for the most part, who operate this sordid show.

To-night, this station's evening newscast had a lengthy special feature entirely devoted to the work of the police in rounding up perpetrators of victimless "crimes." The reporter, always at the ready with "story ideas" made a big show of humiliating these hapless dregs of the underclass before the television cameras. It is the bread and circuses of our age, the celebration of a clawing fascism, the kind which is smug and self satisfied in passing a crude and unrelenting judgment upon those powerless nonentities at the bottom for which degradation and despair is simply a byproduct of their "natural" tendencies.

Oh how the elites would tremble if the thugs with shields would break their skulls about as the ghetto refuse experience daily. But the State power is aware that it must not become too rapacious lest those who matter become offended.

The journalistic inclination toward the State always manifests itself naked and perverse; we do not see because many, too, are wont to wax insipid at the sight of a badge and State power. It is a mutually beneficial relationship, of course; the State receives good press while eager sources in government bureaucracies make life easy for lazy journalists who would rather not bother with such details as investigation or checking one's facts.

But such an outcome is written. Indeed, when most journalism students claim that their reasons for entering the profession is to "make the world a better place", then you know they are fresh duds for the hook line and sinker of fatal fascism. 

And indeed, it is always fatal, as we are soon to discover once again.

Random bureaucracy notes

In this collapsing economy where jobs are as scarce as pearls and sane politicians, more young graduates are duplicating the story of my life by following the path of least resistance and entering government service. While the regular economy evaporates, the State gorges on the remainder as the public sector presents an upraised middle finger to thrift and expands in the face of folly.

It has now apparently become conveniently 'trendy' amongst the newly-degreed set to gravitate to public jobs because of a renewed ethos of "public service."

Don't make me laugh. In Louisiana, where nearly one out of five workers is employed by the high-tax, do-nothing Bureaucracy, such eloquent sentiments are rarely if ever expressed with regards to the public commonweal. No desire to "serve" the public poses motivation here. It has long been accepted as a fact of life that government work in Gangman's Paradise is a massive jobs program which fills the gap presented by our lack of an economy and keeps the unemployment and poverty rates lower than they would actually be. Any other justification is a convenient excuse for seeking security in these dark times. 

Part of me does not blame them. But when you have occupied the bureaucratic hive for a number of years, you officially become incapable of escaping from the fold back into the world of productivity.

So much for our best and brightest.

--

Another State-made disaster looms, thanks to the cable and digital programming lobby who obtain their long awaited gravy in a few short hours.

The State imposed deadline which marks the final demise of analog television arrives at 7 AM to-morrow. As if you didn't know, the way Channel 9 here carries on about "The Big Switch" six times an hour. If anything, this landmark will be welcome if only to eliminate the ongoing annoyance of their constant forewarnings of doom.

Of course, despite all this and the efforts of the other terrestrial broadcasters, undoubtedly (this being Louisiana, after all) tens of thousands of comatose trailer court and public housing residents have nary a clue of the upcoming caesura of over-the-air transmissions. So when they turn on their televisions to-morrow, the white snow that will greet them will be a mysterious malevolent force sent to disrupt their precious lives from their constant stream of trash talk shows and "reality" soap operas.

And all at once they will realize what they will need to do to replenish this electronic stream to which they are addicted (for this is more important than work, life, or the Second Coming!), and the greasy mob will doubtless swamp the electronic stores soon after...to be greeted by bare shelves. Not a good mix there. 

I would not want to have to visit Best Buy to-morrow for any reason, much less to purchase a digital antenna along with all the other last minute lemmings. In fact, I'm pretty sure that even their parking lot would be useful to avoid entirely. I would take bets as to how fast the digital converter boxes, etc. will disappear from stock, but regrettably I wasn't trained as a bookie.

More capitol lunacy, and other stuff

The legislature blackens my mornings with their antics, as dutifully reported by the pretend journalists over at WJBO radio. But no matter about that triviality, for the offenses of our solons are putrid beyond all hell.

Each day brings more potential depredations upon our lives and our freedoms. No talk is uttered of retrenchment, of living within one's means, of permanently doing less with less. Instead the cry is about "evil" budget cuts to public "education" and the protection of bureaucratic privilege, i.e. civil service merit increases.

Hey folks, guess what? I haven't received a pay increase in five years. Between inflation and taxes, that's tantamount to a shrinking income. Yet I'm not up in arms, declaring with fatted lips that I am "owed" an income increase by society, for whose "benefit" my "services" are performed. Unlike our capitol critter friends, regular folks understand that a dollar earned is equivalent to value produced for that dollar.

For those with hands outstretched in perpetual need, (apologies to EON Productions) being handed the world on a silver platter is not enough. The vacuum pit of subsidy demands more, and always delivers less in return.

Gotta love it.

--

More corpses litter the retail boneyard as the depression grinds on to its bitter conclusion.

But I ask, what about SearsKmart??

A few years back Kmart was bankrupt and on the ropes, a failed merchandiser, about two hair breaths' length from complete evaporation. Sears was healthier but hardly any better, a shell of its former glory akin to Montgomery Ward in its last days.

When these two failed firms were combined, I noted at the time that it was the equivalent of propping up two rotten sheaths of wheat, to keep each other from collapsing into ash.

So in an age of retail death, when formerly indomitable soulless national corporate conglomerates crash and burn on a daily basis, what lies in store for this reprehensible combination?

Failure and more failure, most likely. But it thankfully will have few repurcussions here. The Capital Region has only two Sears stores which are generally mostly empty whenever I visit; and one lone Kmart straggler store in an outlying exurb, rendering the Stick essentially Kmartfrei. (Though there are many dead boxes which litter the suburban landscape here that formerly housed the retailer.) Wise souls here conduct their retail business at the House of Sam (Walton, that is).

--

One last question, because inquiring minds want to know:

Will "the new GM" be similar to "the new NBC" circa 1979 and to-day?

Because I wouldn't want to go there with a 100 foot pole, if you know what I mean.

(Sorry, couldn't resist kicking a failure while it's down, and likely unable to get up again.)

Dirty swine flu - and moar soap chaos!

In these increasingly desperate times, the next grate wave of chaos rears its blood-soaked head as the grim reaper of the Mexican swine flu rises to potentially slaughter millions. The shades of 1918 come to light as whispers of "pandemic" alight from terrified lips.

Fitting, really, in this age of civilizational collapse. Disease and other pestilence seem to make their brief but spectacular interventions in history during times of chaos, moral collapse, and economic dislocation. 

I really don't think all that much will come of this, in truth. A fair number will become sick and perhaps several thousand will succumb to the illness, but hopefull nothing more. As long as the State doesn't decide to use this event to aggrandize control toward itself and relish in the use of "emergency powers."

Oh, wait...

***
It's ratings terror in soap opera land as the free fall continues!!

We all now know of Guiding Light's demise as the jig could no longer be sustained for them. But earlier this month, the once-mighty ABC soaps plumbed new and unknown depths as all time lows were achieved for all three programs airing. For the first time in perhaps all of recorded history, no ABC soap could muster above a 2.0 on the ratings household share.

In total, the ratings overall are the worst ever for daytime. Let me repeat - EVER. In all recorded history.

Dat's the whirlwind you reap for years of pathetic storytelling, poor writing, unbelievable storylines, absymal acting and character development, killing off popular long-serving characters (the blood of dead Quartermaines is crying out from the earth), and letting untrained teenage actors 'carry' (for lack of a better expression) the show, with characters and stories that no one gives two hoots about, while relegating longtime favorites to the background or the dreaded "recurring" status. 

I would name names and point fingers, but not being a regular viewer I am certain that the remaining loyal fans out there already know far better than I do who is to blame for the chaos and whose heads need to roll.

The soaps are marking time, waiting for the inevitable, doing the same thing over and hoping for a different result. Nothing daring, nothing compelling. Suffice it to say that there is little left to hold daytime viewers anymore. The generic-ization of soaps that began in the 1980s has reached its ultimate end, in defected viewers, poor product, and falling profits for the producers. Now that every character resembles an underwear model or a slut - now that storylines can speak of human cloning, alien abduction, and medically impossible procedures without batting an eye - it is done for, it is finished.

Once programs like General Hospital were honored, respected, and aggressively interesting and watchable. To-day, it is apparent that high school drama students could put together a better production. What money the producers have invested in moving to HD should have been more wisely spent in procuring a cast and writing staff that can actually put together an entertaining product (exempting Anthony Geary, Leslie Charleson, and Jane Elliot here - if the show revolved only around their characters, I would watch every day).

Fundamentally, I blame all this on the relatively low status of soaps in the entertainment pantheon. Soaps historically have held low prestige as television products, due perhaps to their primary (if sometimes forgotten) role as advertising vehicles for consumer products. If soaps and the talent employed therein earned more respect from their peers, they might attract better talent in the first place. In a way these aims are contradictory, since it takes quality to attract quality, and lately soaps have not demostrated much quality. But you get the general idea.

At one time, during the peak of the 1970s soap boom, daytime dramas held a modicum of respect and as such were rewarded with viewers and many rabid fans. However, a major reversal has occurred since that time - due to the creative failures of the daytime producers themselves. 

It will take a major draw of talent to daytime to make soaps relevant again. In the 1970s soaps were the phenomenon of their time - to the point where there were college classes dedicated to the study and analysis daytime drama. Wouldn't it be nice to know that kind of relevance again?

Because daytime has produced much great drama and some of television's finest storytelling over the years. In my view it is worth preserving and saving, if only for that.

But this is perhaps wishful thinking. The 'talents' in Hollywood are hell bent toward destroying the daytime genre, because in their elite bubbles they perceive something to be entertaining that 99% of the population regards as sheer crap. Not to mention, more importantly, that demographics, the lack of replacement cycles, and general inertia have condemned daytime to be a dying genre.

So thus, it is finished, not with a bang but with a whimper.

Daytime television is finished

I shudder to write those words, but the facts speak for themselves. Take a look at the raw numbers:



Using data from Wikipedia, I plotted the Nielsen shares of all daytime dramas airing at least one season on a major broadcast network (CBS, NBC, ABC) from 1952 to the present. Each line represents a single program. The side axis represents the share of all daytime viewers as measured by Nielsen.

As you can see, recent years have witnessed an almost linear downward slide in the ratings of all soap operas, not to mention the absence of the lively competition for daytime viewers that peaked around 1970. It is interesting to see how nearly all the soaps (except for Y&R, which has double the viewers of its closest competitor) closely track each other on this downward slide. Even Y&R has seen a similar rate of reduction in its viewing audience, but from a higher baseline.

Though it appears that most successful soaps over time experience a large gain in viewers at the get-go, with a long and gradual tapering off at the end of the tail, it is apparent that macro-trends of decline begin to affect all programs within the 1988-94 period. From 1994 onward, declines commenced in earnest.

The instigators were likely thus:

1988 - writer's strike
1994 - OJ Simpson trial

Also, the increasing availability of alternative programming streams (cable, internet) and TiVo use have played a background role in all this.

Here are breakdowns by network:

CBS



CBS soaps got a head start and dominated the ratings charts for years. Virtually all of them performed well, and many all were P&G productions in the classic era. As the World Turns was America's top rated soap for two decades. Gradual erosion of P&G market share due to the birth of newer, more daring soaps, plus the advanced age of its serials doomed most of the longtime veterans on the CBS schedule to extinction by the 1980s. The Young and the Restless, premiering in 1973, remains a strong performer however.

NBC



Of the big three networks, NBC has had a relatively weak daytime drama lineup over time, relying more heavily on game shows in the past to fill the daypart's airtime. The NBC Daytime glory age was roughly from 1967-75, when its top rated soaps Another World, The Doctors, and Days of our Lives comprised the core of its lineup. All three soaps suffered greatly from NBC's late 70s-early 80s collapse, and NBC Daytime has never truly recovered. Only one traditional program (Days) remains in the daytime hours currently.

ABC



From being a non-participant in the daytime race, ABC came to dominate daytime in the late 70s through the late 80s, due to the stratospheric success of its core soaps (and overall lineup) during that time, especially General Hospital. However, it has been all downhill from there since that brief early 80s peak. Note the mid 70s trough for GH (which took it to last place on the ABC schedule!) that led to the reign of Monty and the subsequent dramatic changes that changed the face of daytime, for good or ill.

The Light extinguished

What you are about to read is not an April Fools' joke.

News of a sad but not unexpected nature has rocked the soap world (for once) as CBS announces it is at long last cancelling 72-year daytime veteran Guiding Light. GL will end its long run in September when its contract runs out, unless Procter and Gamble can find a new home for the serial (which, even if they could, would not likely prolong the program's life much).

Can't say I didn't see this coming a mile away, though even the suddenness of the announcement shocked me. It is very disenheartening to read "CBS cancels Guiding Light" even if you aren't a fan or follower of daytime drama. Like many longtime serials, GL was a constant staple in our lives.

I can't say I was a follower of the program, such as I have been with TPiR and other daytime offerings. I can't say that in my daytime research that I found the program particularly appealing to my sensibilities or especially entertaining. I can't even say that it played a major role in my youthful memories, though somewhere in the crevasses of my mind there is a place where a small sliver of the 1980s version of GL resides. But it was a constant, an unchanging presence in our lives, and a record holder of major import. A 72 year run, on radio and teevee, is nothing to sneer at, even if the program itself offered much to sneer at in its dying death throes.

GL marks a continuous lineage from the birth of daytime drama itself, all the way to the present day. Most radio soaps which made it to teevee died eons ago, and are now long forgotten. But whether due to luck or persistance, GL remained with us all these years.

Like watching a famed personage die after many years of service to society, it is not without sadness that we remark on the passing of this staple of daytime broadcasting. Yet perhaps it was best in the end for it to die of old age. Like most things that grow old, the program in its latter years had grown puerile and senile, even by soap opera standards, having devolved to a level of quality that would suit a high school TV production well, its storylines growing increasingly half-baked, delusional, and outright embarrassing.

But let us not forget the quality that it harbored in its prime. Created by Irna Phillips, it was the last of the true daytime mohicans.

The light has now been extinguished, and it joins its former rivals for the daytime audience in soap opera heaven.

Guiding Light, 1937-2009. So long, friend.

--

In related news, speculation now commences on what CBS actually intends to do with the hour of daytime real estate it has vacated by pulling up the stakes on Guiding Light. CBS, for now, intends to continue programming the hour.

Rumours abound of new game shows, talk shows, maybe even moving TPiR to the afternoon (again). But the likelihood of CBS installing new original programming in this slot, which will endure, is hard to believe. A game show would be cheaper and could likely pull in GL's ratings, thereby making it more cost effective than a soap opera, but I can't see any program lasting more than a year or two in such a situation.

The most likely scenario is that the time will return to the affiliates. If not now, eventually - even if CBS wants to try its hand with cheaper programming alternatives for the time being. Somewhat less likely, but possible, is that daytime's last 30 minute drama, The Bold and the Beautiful, could expand to an hour and move to 2 PM Central, with its old 12:30 slot returned to local affiliates for expanded newscasts or other syndicated junk. But the retooling to bring a half hour daytime drama to a full hour is something which I have heard the producers of B&B are rather hesitant to undertake.

Of course, it would be nice to see a revival of, say, The Edge of Night on daytime, or barring that a brand new soap opera, this time done right. But ya know that just ain't gonna happen.

Think of Laura

During these last few days, for no other reason than sheer boredom, I have spent many hours on YouToob exploring the epic saga that was the story of General Hospital's premier supercouple, Luke and Laura Spencer. (Don't worry, I haven't blown a gasket.)

What did I find?

That perhaps I have been a wee too hard on Gloria Monty in the past. I found myself, admittedly, drawn to this grand and epic tale of love, rape (or was it seduction??), and adventure. The production values were superb. The pacing made the storyline compelling to watch. The acting and dialogue were excellent. The use of Herb Alpert's classic instrumental "Rise" for one crucial scene, which shall go nameless to protect the guilty, remains legendary.

But in effect, it seems as if Ms. Monty, in order to save the soap opera, had to destroy it. Primetime production values and all that aside, it brushes away the fact that at heart, soap operas are about relationships, and lives, and the contorted routes which they lead. At best, this interplay should be rooted in a thorough grounding in the subtleties of human relationships as they exist in real life. The best soaps, such as The Edge of Night, for the most part remained true to this premise.

Watching daytime television is watching people's lives, minute by minute. The soap writers of the 1950s and 1960s understood this. The soap writers of the current epoch (post-Luke and Laura) do not.

It makes sense, of course - most television writers to-day are young people with little real life experience, so they get their ideas mainly from films and other television programs. What do they find there? Spectacle and fantasy largely, of course. So soaps (and other programs, I might add), seeking the path to higher ratings and armed with a slew of cinematic and television cliches and formulas, have all attempted to imitate Ms. Monty's approach ever since. Of course, that has done them much good, seeing that daytime ratings are in the toilet. Consider that small fact when I refer to "destroying the soap opera in order to save it".

The characters of Luke and Laura, appealing as they are as a couple, are squarely to blame for this turn of events. The Luke and Laura saga reeks of rank unbelievability, and more so by the minute. From the disco "seduction" (IT WAS RAPE, PEOPLE!! How horribly insulting to women to pass such a thing off as 'seduction' all those years.) to the summer "on the run", to the treasure hunts and culminating in that most ridiculous daytime storyline of all time, the plot to freeze the world (!!!), the whole thing was one big, long, crass fantasy from beginning to end.

First off, no woman since time immemorial has ever fallen in love with her rapist.

Secondly, rape is brutal, and personality and life changing. For a more accurate and honest portrayal of the horror that is rape, bip over to my fiction page where such realism is reflected on a daily basis.

Lastly, rapists should go to prison (ideally). The last thing a rapist deserves is to wind up marrying his victim in the biggest daytime wedding extravaganza of all time (with Elizabeth Taylor in attendance! Yee yowakers!).

To their (minimal) credit, the producers did revisit the subject 20 years later and finally admitted that "it was rape" as opposed to "seduction" or some such blather. But too late, too lame, in my estimation.

--

But back to production values. Here lies the germ which perhaps led to the death of my beloved deceased daytime melodrama, The Edge of Night, and which perhaps was a lost opportunity for GH's competitor soaps to obtain an advantage against the Luke and Laura machine.

Procter and Gamble Productions was, and remains, cheap.

Everyone who watched daytime teevee to-day complains of Guiding Light's "new look" and justly so. As I have heard it put, and damn succinctly in my opinion, the program to-day looks like it was the first production of a bunch of college television majors. 

This historic underinvestment in its television product is characteristic of P&G, and perhaps a major reason why its once-mighty soaps are now raking the bottom of the ratings barrel. In the 1950s and 1960s it was fine and good to get away with the use of cheap sets and a scarcity of props. (Much of daytime TV was live, after all, long after live broadcasts had disappeared from primetime. Remember Hal Simms' exhortation "Presented live!" before each early 1970s episode of Edge?) But viewers expect more to-day. Production standards for all programs have increased, for better or worse. Viewers don't expect location shoots every week or frequent explosions (or do they? Curse you, Gloria Monty!), but they do expect soaps that actually, you know, look like soaps, and most of all they expect competent writing and acting. Sad to say, little of that anywhere nowadays.

In the early 1980s there was a clear trend of the ABC network-produced soaps investing greater sums in their programs than the P&G-produced serials which predominated on CBS. The rating performance for these programs at the time largely paralleled the level of production quality. And one by one the lower-rated P&G soaps, many of them veteran serials, fell: The Edge of Night in 1984, Search for Tomorrow in 1986, Another World in 1999.

If you don't believe me, observe this clip of The Edge of Night episode #6180 (originally broadcast in 1979) - skip to roughly the 2:20 mark.

Don't tell me - that's a prop wall!!!

Then compare to the Luke and Laura footage (search for it yourself, there's plenty lying around on YouToob). See what I'm talking about? Underinvestment.

Maybe not the definitive factor which led to the cancellation of Edge and its sister shows. (Bad writing and timeslot difficulties contributed a large part toward the ratings decline of Edge's last years, after the Master had departed and he was replaced with what amounted to a hack.) But certainly one factor, among several...

If Edge had contained one fast paced, action packed plot line such as Luke and Laura, but done the right way, Edge style, they might have survived yet. Recall that at one time, GH itself was on the bubble (this was pre-Monty) and there was a distinct possibility that Edge could have expanded to an hour on ABC, claiming GH's slot.

Oh how soap history might have been different.

As it is, most of the soaps to-day liberally crib from Edge, and GH was/is no exception. A Luke and Laura style plotline would have been far more at home on Edge than on an ostensibly medically-oriented drama. (Just where does the "General Hospital" in General Hospital come in to-day, anyway?) The mob, lovers on the run, rape and other criminal mayhem...tailor made for Edge. The Sonny Corinthos mafia empire would have had a far more suitable home on Edge, without the hordes of complaining fans who recall the days when General Hospital was, you know, set in a hospital. On Edge, Sonny would have fit well in the tradition of a long line of crazed mob bosses and criminal masterminds such as Louis Van Dine and his ilk.

Edge tried such a plotline eventually, way late and way lame, with the Jody/Preacher storyline, which was an obvious Luke/Laura ripoff. (Shameful that Edge, of all programs, should have had to resort to cribbing from other soaps.) But by then it was too little, too late. Edge would be off the air by the end of the year.

Such is the verdict of history. Thanx, P&G.

Somber anniversary

Today is 28 December 2008, and this date marks a sad anniversary in the television annals.

Twenty-four years ago on this date, the legendary daytime crime and mystery serial The Edge of Night broadcast its 7,420th and last episode on the ABC television network, marking the end of twenty-eight years of murder, mystery, and mayhem.

Hard to believe it's been that long, that the time Edge has been off the air is nearly as long now as the length of time it aired.

Here are the last few minutes of the 7,420th and final episode, preserved for posterity.

Here are the final closing credits.

To honor this late great program, a moment of silence....





RIP, Edge.

How I truly miss good television.

The future of teevee

Lately my mind has been on soaps and daytime teevee in general. Such memories of idyllic days past they bring.

Yet the economics of television are rapidly changing. And daytime as we know it is likely doomed under the most plausible future scenarios.

This is a TiVo world to-day. We watch what we want to watch, when it is most pleasant and convenient for us to do so. And the commercials can be skipped too. Broadcast schedules mean little to TV viewers anymore.

Cable provides us with a continuous stream of consistent genre programming, and fragments the finite viewer pool into miniscule segments. We can watch Law and Order practically 24/7 now, what with all the syndication about and about. Reality programs, cable news, game shows - all are available in virtual 24/7 format now, through the magic of specialty channels.

Dramas are becoming too costly to produce (at least for a traditional full run of 22 episodes) as the per capita dollar per ratings point equation trends increasingly negative. Advertisers are only willing to spend when they are assured that their advertisements will find an audience. This is increasingly no longer the case.

The future is rooted in technological change and economic viability. Soon it will be determined that it is essentially more profitable to shift to a point on demand model for programming delivery than the current static model, when programming airs at a set time without flexibility. In short, the future of TV will be more like Movies on Demand than anything else. You will be able to choose your program, at the time you prefer and in whatever increments you desire.

This will by nature alter the delivery stream. Television and the Internet will align even more so than they do currently. Soon computers will act as the television for the family. A screen is just a monitor, after all, to display assorted electrons which constitute the stream of programming.

Cable will embrace this model eventually, but it will not be seen as constituting a major break until a major network or two follows the trend. All the future requires to become reality is for one of the major programmers to break from the traditional mold and go all out with this venture. The networks are facing a paradigm shift of monumental proportions, but no one wants to stick their necks out for fear of causing an eternal disruption in the "way of doing business" that the Medium Three are comfortable with. It would also be seen as a capitulation of sorts, and thus a sign of weakness and failure. But soon economic considerations will bring themselves to bear on the industry, and with a paralytically declined economy to contend with, fiscal reality will push one or more programmers over the edge - likely the weakest players who will have little to lose and everything to gain by the endeavor. 

And the future is now, courtesy of YouToob and other similar sites. Already programming is migrating to the online world, and even the networks are involved with this.

To deny progress is to impoverish us all. Let us hope the political means are not employed to arrest these trends. Then we will have the networks coming to Congress next, hoping for a seat on the bailout train.

Greatest soap opera themes of all time

What better way to waste your evening by listening to some of classic daytime TV's greatest soap themes!!

I personally dislike most, if not all, daytime dramas (or at least all of those which are currently airing), but hey, let's face it: back in the era, before science fiction and fantasy storylines became prevalent, before every third plotline reference in vitro fertilization and lost siblings, there was some good storytelling here and there to be found.

And before bland syrupy pop theme syntheziser stock crap became the stuff of soap themes, there were decent opening title sequences to satisfy your viewing pleasure. This was in that brief decade or so window between the era of organ heavy sickness and the current age of interchangable Muzak.

So here they are! Daytime's five greatest soap themes, as provided by yours truly.

5) Love of Life, early 1970s

Never got the privilege of hearing this one firsthand, but it sure harks melodious.

4) (The) Guiding Light, 1975-1981

The height of the babbling brook, comfort food era of 1970s daytime teevee. Yet it works, and what a beautiful tune.

3) As the World Turns, 1967-1981

Now see, that's how to begin a soap opera! Are you listening, networks??

2) The Young and the Restless, 1973-present

This brings back so many childhood memories. My grandparents would watch Y&R daily. I still think, whenever I see this sequence begin, "Hey, is Price is Right finished already? God damn it!!"

Kudos to the producers for continuing to use this iconic theme after 35 years.

1) (TIED) The Edge of Night, First theme, 1956-1976

Simply beautiful. That's all I'm gonna say.

...and the Third theme, 1976-1980 (until the producers inadvisedly remixed the theme in a disco format)

Folks, meet my new cellphone ringtone.

This theme is a large part of the reason why I wish The Edge of Night were still airing to-day. Edge would literally PONG the rest of its daytime competition out of the water.

Seeing that most soaps have liberally cribbed from Edge in the past twenty-five years (that means you, General Hospital), I think I can make that assumption quite confidently.

Desperate times for TV

Kind of wish I had blogged about this a few days ago, but oh well.

NBC, after four years of ratings futility, has finally declared defeat in programming its primetime lineup and has decided to cede valuable broadcasting real estate - the 9 pm (Central) hour, five days a week, to a new talk/variety program hosted by erstwhile retiree Jay Leno.

Can I call this unprecedented? Not since the earliest days of TV has a programming gambit of this variety been attempted by a major broadcast network. Or maybe I should say former major broadcast network. This officially marks NBC's devolution to second tier broadcaster.

Good riddance. The NBC culture has always been about arrogance and dickhead jive. It's good to see the Peecock network get its just desserts finally. What one Silverman couldn't do, another finally accomplished - run the network into the ground.

I don't know how five days a week of Jay Leno (whom I despise) is going to play out ratings-wise. Sure seems like audiences are going to be tired of what could easily become oversaturation of a single program. That's what killed Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, after all. But I guess it locks in a more stable viewership during that time period, of which few if any of the new dramas appearing in the 9 pm timeslot over the past four years have accomplished. NBC has more or less abandoned the quest for ratings here.

Little if anything remains on the Peecock network of worth or value. The few ratings highlights include Law and Order: SVU (rapidly aging) and Heroes (which is fantasy bullshit). Otherwise there is just very little to draw viewers. No, ultra-futuristic versions of throwback programming like My Own Worst Enemy won't cut the cheese, either. People go to the movies to obtain their explosion quota.

NBC can't pin the blame for their overwhelming downward trajectory upon cable and alternative media. The other networks are certainly struggling, but at least their ratings are acceptably stable (for now), due to their overwhelmingly comfort-food programming lineups. No, NBC lost fair and square in this matter.

Though a word of caution: NBC is only the first stone to drop in the broadcasting world. Over the long term the other networks are going to have to face the same issues of increasing inputs generating decreasing output. The plain fact is that most broadcast television programming to-day is sheer crap, and has been for some time. Even if the broadcasters do manage to achieve some enlightenment and start airing quality programming again at some point, by that time it may be too late. The reputations of the "nets" are in the toilet, while more quality drama have migrated to cable channels, burnishing their reputations and solidifying their ability to obtain ever increasing shares of the overall shrinking/increasingly fragmented total viewer pool.

The economics are working against the traditional broadcast model, as the competition proliferates, the syndicated programming market explodes and the Internet draws off large portions of key demographics. Besides the declining economy, this is the core issue at the heart of the declining fortunes of broadcast media to-day. The days of a tri-opoly of three broadcast networks is long finished, with cable (after a long gestation period) having proved to grow into a viable alternative to traditional broadcast channels. Not to mention all the possibilities of "new media" and the trends present and future that portend to work their wrath on the Medium Three.

I predict that the major broadcasters will all eventually move toward the cable model, with the weakest networks such as NBC leading the way. This looks to be disastrous in the long run for local broadcasters and TV stations, traditional broadcast advertisers, and certain genres of programming; not to mention the employment prospects for many writers, actors, and other talent implements of legacy programming fare. (Not that I feel bad about this. The free lunch in Hollywood has gone on long enough.)
 
Primetime will shrink or even become less of a factor in the overall model. Some dayparts, like Friday and Saturday evenings, will unquestionably become the land of permanent reruns and inexpensive news/talk programs. Network daytime television will experience massive changes, and will hardly resemble its traditional formats when all is said and done, if it survives at all (which is highly unlikely, by the way). The daytime soap opera as we know it is dead, killed by demographic realities, ratings collapse, and rising production costs. And it goes without saying that "reality" and other unscripted fare will only expand its reach across the entire broadcasting spectrum in order to occupy the many more hours of broadcasting time that must be filled in a 1,000 channel age.

Would I like to see all this? Not really. In the absence of an incubator of project development such as a major network provides, less programming of quality will probably make it to air overall. But this is the economic reality of modern broadcasting, of which the current correction is duly accelerating toward its inevitable conclusion. 

And in the end, this is the final result of increased competition, and market competition produces more desirable results for all. So a new model will be of benefit for both broadcasters and viewers in the long term.

It may be a very long term. But dat's reality, folks.

The daytime void

Currently I am engaged in extensive research regarding the history of network daytime television programming. It's quite fascinating.

The plethora of soap operas, game shows, and other assorted features is a veritable museum of American cultural history.

But what has been learned from all this so far?

Once a land of experimentation and attempts to replicate realism to a degree, daytime dramas have slid far and fast into the quagmire abyss of unbelievable fantasy, inpossible plot outcomes, and contrived artifice.

Once a venue of class and style, daytime game shows became so banal that they no longer walk this earth. The last of these once great programs, The Price is Right, is even now slipping into the sickening rigor mortis of nihilistic exhibitionism, courtesy of the Carey regime.

The highest rated soap to-day is pulling in Nielsen shares that would have spelled certain cancellation thirty, even twenty, years ago.

Soon I predict that networks will abandon daytime programming entirely to the likes of the syndicated trash that has inherited audiences' patronage.

Another sign of an age of decline.

Bring back the classics

Sometimes I wish I had a few million dollars to blow and a gift for screenplay writing, so I could start my own television network. I assure you that the old line networks would be out of business within a year. There are so many stories to tell, and tell well, over the air that it is sad, especially when compared to the unwatchable garbage that masquerades as television programming these days.

Old school teevee was simply more properly acted, directed, produced, and choreographed. Maybe it's just nostalgia, but that is my opinion.

All good television programming (and fiction in general) is fundamentally storytelling, and more precisely telling stories that entertain and hold an audience's attention. But it should not insult that audience's intelligence. It should uplift, inspire, even educate. It should tell interesting and engrossing stories that netherless remain firmly rooted in reality and plausibility.

Some people prefer to indulge in fantasy and that is their right. But it does not serve the mind well to remain in the realm of the unreal for extended periods.

But all fictional programming is fantasy, right? Sure, in essence. But there is programming that is unapologetically and unambiguously fantastical, and then there is storytelling that is clearly grounded in fact and realism and can make one forget for a time that what the audience is seeing and hearing is actually a photoplay produced for their benefit.

The programs that have acknowledged this rule of art have been the remembered artistic triumphs of the small screen.

But what types of programs are these?

Comedy tends toward the ridiculous and the extreme, simply by its nature. So no offense to comedy, but dramatic programming has it beat with regards to believability.

And no, so called "reality shows" don't make the cut under this definition. Any six year old should realize by now that the "reality" of these programs is a false one.

Again, programming should be realistic and entertaining, but also uplifting. Little hope can be expected in this regard from the current network offerings.

We are treated to a constant onslaught of lookalike, feelalike police procedurals (thanx, CBS), pithy and pathetic melodramas, crude and frankly disgusting situation "comedies", truly banal "unscripted" programming, insipid soap operas, flights into fantasy (that means you, Ghost Whisperer and Heroes), rip-offs and send-ups of genre programming in true parody form, and other such tripe.

Not to mention the crap that passes for intelligent media discourse these days. (Of course, with morons at the helm who are devoted disciples of the Church of Obama, that's not saying much.)

No wonder people don't watch television anymore. With insults like these, it's truly possible that the faux Obama-McCain danceoff bouncing around YooToob these days may actually be more entertaining to the mindless sheeple.

Here's what I'd do if I were president of one of the major broadcast networks.

You see that ratings are dropping, that television (not just a single network, all of television) has been bleeding viewers in absolute terms for twenty years. You ask yourself, "What did we stop offering twenty years ago that made people bolt?"

Cuz the Internet didn't exist back then, so that excuse is shot. You come to realize, "Hey! Maybe our programming overall has gotten worse since then."

Given the sordid reality that there just isn't the talent in Hollywood anymore to create programming of equal caliber to that which existed in the past, you come to the conclusion that the old programming must be recycled.

"Oh, you mean reruns? Or remakes of old shows? We get plenty of that already. There are whole networks dedicated to the phenomenon." Not quite, kemosabi.

Reruns of Cheers and Seinfeld won't cut it, obviously, since we get too much of that high-starch diet already. The best loved programs are often those which are overlooked and forgotten, or at least long out of mind.

In the distant past when videotape was expensive, programming was often taped for broadcast, then the tape would be reused for future programming, thus erasing older programming by taping over it. The term in the industry is "wiping."

It was a tragedy, because countless hours of good and classic programming has now been lost due to the economic considerations of the industry forty years ago. Of course, who could foresee an aftermarket in DVDs then?

But from what has survived, we take what we have.

Some brave souls air the original Star Trek now and again. It would be wise to continue this practice.

People have forgotten real acting and directing, however. (William Shatner is not known for his, ah, subtle performances.) What of those lost classics that remain only as fading memories in the minds of old viewers?

Classic TPiR? The Edge of Night? The Defenders? Playhouse 90?

This would be perfect from an advertising standpoint, also. While 18-35 viewers may be susceptible to advertising's lure, it is not easily forgotten that older viewers are generally more affluent and thus have, ahem, more disposible income.

C'mon, network dickhead suits - bring back the classics! For once, consider your viewers before inflicting your harebrained ideas on what you think we like upon our weary souls.

Fried chicken! Fried chicken!

So this is it? So this is what it's come to for TPiR?

Dying not with a bang, but with a whimper, yet another victim of society's slow and gradual ghettofication.

Off in the distance the tom-toms bleat and the purveyors of the new primitivism cackle with glee.

Bad TV thru the ages

Apparently one of the local broadcast channels has become affiliated with something called the "Retro Television Network" which looks to be like a low-rent version of TV Land.  And for those who hanker and wail for the lost "golden age" of television, you have been outflanked by cold, sordid reality.

I just finished watching an episode of "The A-Team" and now it comes back to me how absolutely awful 1980s television was, both in production values and plain old scripting. Modern programming, for all its insipidness, at least appear to have been produced with more than a little spit and polish.

What boggles the mind is that networks actually thought this stuff was good, that viewers thought this stuff was good, and that networks continue to be entranced by this delusion, to the point where there is now a large market in remaking certain "classic" programs. But people have gotten wise to this now.

Are you listening, NBC?

In 1985 folks had very few options besides the three broadcast networks on the boob toob to entertain themselves after a hard day's work. To-day there are a cornucopia of alternative entertainment options, including cable channels, the Internet, video games, etc. etc. And not to mention those old standbys of books, films, plays, and board games.

The networks are going to have to try harder than they are presently to win the hearts and minds of viewers. The old mindless entertainment won't do anymore, because people can get that readily from YouToob nowadays.

Don't insult the people's intelligence, TV executives. Sell something worth buying, and the people will follow.

Daytime TV programs which I have known

Somehow I have managed to procure the original music and sound cues for The Price is Right, and man, are they awesome. Memories, memories indeed.

It goes to show you that Bob Barker, important as he was, was not the only person who made Price work so wonderfully. Besides Bob, of course there was announcer Johnny Olsen, aka Johnny O (and later, Rod Roddy then Rich Fields) and the lovely models: Anitra Ford, Janice Pennington, Holly Hallstrom (she was the bomb, wasn't she?!) and Dian Parkinson. But there was the magnificent folks behind the scenes: original producer Frank Wayne and his successor "the Dob" Roger Dobkowitz; original director Marc Breslow, whose talents have long been overlooked by me but are now just coming to be appreciated; and then last but not least the fine music package put together by Score Productions and their composer Edd Kalehoff, the greatness of which simply boggles the mind. 

As I have always said, TPiR was made by its music.

***

A recent discovery has been made in my historical television research. Of late I have studying the history of soap operas (of all things - how I hate soaps so) and have inevitably stumbled across some long extinct programs.

Most of them were probably insipid junk catering to housewives and intended to sell cleaning detergent to said demographic, but I did find a few surprises. And here I found something which I might have actually liked (from what clips I have seen on YouToob) - a daytime drama called The Edge of Night, which according to what I have read, sounds like a melodramatic take on Law and Order. Originally it was intended to be the daytime version of Perry Mason, from what I understand.

Edge premiered on the same day as As the World Turns (2 April 1956 - both were Procter & Gamble properties), found its greatest success from the mid-1960s to the mid-1970s (airing live until 1975!), but sadly was cancelled in December 1984 after 28 years of broadcast.

At some point in the mid 70s, it preceded TPiR on the CBS schedule (during the period when Price aired at 2 PM central). Edge was always an afternoon soap, and in fact its name alluded to this as its original airtime was 3:30 PM central/4:30 PM eastern. At one time the audience was estimated to be over 50% male, due to its focus on crime and the workings of the judicial system.

Shit, if this program had survived a little bit longer, it would have fit in perfectly with typical daytime programming of the current era, and perhaps have given it something to emulate and look up to. With all the Law and Order, CSI, and Matlock reruns airing on cable channels (that means you, TNT) during the day nowadays, and society's general love of soap opera rubbish, it would have been right at home, and not out of place at all.

More chaos at TPiR

First heard it on the TPiR web board, but now the news is spreading about the "rigged" Plinko board that set FreDismantle back about $30K in consolation payouts for one lucky contestant. (In case you were wondering, this incident will never be permitted to be aired for broadcast.) Just another sign, along with the current upheaval regarding the wheel and the set changes, that TPiR as a production is rapidly falling apart without "The Dob" at the helm.

To set a point straight, this was an accident - apparently the board is "rigged" via the use of strategically placed twine to assure a big money Plinko win for promotional purposes (i.e. commercials), and it seems that a not-so-bright production staffer neglected to remove the twine before going to air. I guess someone must have taken the fall for that gem of stupidity.

A perhaps understandable mistake, but none too good for the show's image, which is not what TPiR needs in the face of ratings declines and the overall changes which have occurred in the past year. With the ongoing staff changes and the proposed "revamp", it is safe to say that TPiR could benefit from the knowledge of an experienced producer...which of course is what the show had until two weeks ago.

The arrogance and imbecility of Hollywood types continues to boggle the mind.

Random wanderings

Point your peepers here, John Weeks! I have material for your marvelous river bridges site!

The Horace Wilkinson Bridge, aka "the new Mississippi River bridge", "the I-10 bridge", or my personal favorite, "the Interstate bridge", during the day...



...and in the evening gloom:



Another beautiful golden sunset in the Stick as the day ends:



I love this state.

More pictures from the riverfront:










My, how inviting.

These were taken from the new casino parking garage, which essentially is an exercise in stacking ten levels of parking stalls where one level of a surface lot used to be. What an enormous waste of concrete and steel, to appease the auto gods in this limited crawl space between the street and the levee.

And yes, before you ask, trains do really use those tracks. Big freight trains, indeed, which serve the industries to the north. It is actually the main line of the Canadian National RR in these parts.

***

Piyush the Boy Wonder has once again proved to us that to dickheads, image is everything. Here is the first physical evidence of the governor's needless renaming of the state Department of Labor to the "Louisiana Workforce Commission":



(Look closely at the postage stamp sized bright white sign at the top corner of the building.)

The Department is now a "commission" for some reason which I am sure is only tangentially related to providing better service for the taxpayer. I wonder which legislator's brother-in-law will be appointed to 'serve' on it.

***

Happened to see the "Miss Universe" (doesn't the Andromeda galaxy get a say?) pageant on Sunday, since there was nothing else on TV (as usual).

This year's ceremony took place in Vietnam, a country which we supposedly lost to godless Communism some time ago, after having sacrificed 50,000 or so of our youth to prevent such a fate. Why, Communists would never approve of this decadent Western display of moral crassness! I guess they are taking their cues from the Little Red Book of How to Make Money now.

Actually, it was quite decadent (not that I am a Communist, of course), and another black eye to Western civilization, proving yet again that there is little left worth preserving in our culture. Scantily dressed and half starved women straight off the cover of Maxim parading their stuff for a billion viewers (allegedly) to glance over. And this is how we judge and rate our women?

I find it amusing and sad that there were representatives of Asian and African countries among the festivities. After all, they still have their unique cultures and haven't completely bought into the Western ideal of womanhood as a half naked simpering sexpot, who looks like a famine victim to boot. They should know better. Come on, people!

And then there was Miss Kosovo, who happened to wind up in the final 15. Excuse me, but I thought Kosovo wasn't a real country???

(Yeah, I know that Kosovo declared independence from Serbia, but that 'independence' is very much predicated on the continued presence of the NATO imperial occupators in that region.)

In the end, Miss Venezuela took the crown. Not surprising, given that the beauty paegant circuit is practically one of that country's largest industries.