You might be reading this now because of a post of mine that I foolishly posted on a certain autism-related message board. Please accept my profound apologies for this offense. To be honest, it was a confrontational stunt performed deliberately while in a delusional and agitated state of mind, intended to produce a reaction and a backlash. I will say, if it makes you feel any better, that I am not generally prone to doing such things. I try to be kind and considerate to others, except maybe here on these pages where there is no one else to answer to save conscience and Mother Truth. But we all have our off days, I suppose.
I am not naive, nor was I born yesterday; I knew precisely how that article would be perceived in that forum. You see, I was talking mainly about myself there. It was a pithy, childlike cry for attention, the action of a narcissist crybaby. I am the "loser narcissist" which was the subject of that rant. From what I have read, most people diagnosed with AS are productive individuals who readily give their talents and intellect to the world. Please accept my deepest apologies for my implication that those of you who are 'autism spectrum' and make meaningful contributions to the world are anything besides good, worthy citizens. There is no crime, mind you, in lacking social skills. Like smoking a doobie, it harms no one, save maybe the self.
I do not claim to have all the answers in the world. Far from it. The opinions presented on these pages are merely feeble, barely coherent rantings of a semi-intelligent, poorly formed, infantilized mind. I may be hard on the world, but if anything else I can be hardest and most demanding on myself.
I will be frank with you now regarding my opinions on autism and Asperger's syndrome, and by extension life in general. As Juan McCain likes to say, here is some straight talk. This blog is all about exposing the truth about life matters in any case, even if I haven't been so forthright in this regard in the past.
If you wish to take this justification as a pithy, pathetic excuse for why a loser like me does what he does, so be it. You would probably be right, too.
As I have previously noted, I was diagnosed with Asperger's as an adolescent, by several different psychologists referred to my family by my high school, who observed my behavior at the time and drew conclusions therein. Since then I have attempted as much as possible to deny this. I have struggled with much self-doubt since that time.
It goes back to parental respect, and what I was taught as a child.
My father is a rather conservative person. I respect him greatly, though I can't say that I truly love him. (Being a narcissist, I can only really ever be in love with myself.)
When I was initially diagnosed (around age 16 or so), I was willing to accept this, as it seemed as good an explanation as any for my social impairments and occasional bizarre, self-destructive behavior. But my father did not agree. Like most of my elders, he is big on taking responsibility for one's actions. His opinion was (and presumably remains) that AS as a disorder is a fiction, that it is an excuse for not trying; that my behavior was driven by moral and personal failings that could be eliminated by changing my personality and having the willpower to carry through with such a change.
Needless to say, as I aged I adopted this philosophy gradually, at first only outwardly to make peace with him (I still lived at home at the time) but later internally.
Why? Because I thought it was the mature thing to do. My father is at a mature age. He has three decades more life experience than I do, as he likes to make clear to me at every opportunity. Who am I to question his wisdom and conclusions on life, especially when you're an impressionable, ignorant person such as myself who has failed at practically everything tried in life?
And it was convenient. I am inclined to blame myself when something goes wrong; that has been an enduring trait of mine throughout life. (My counselor tells me this is an Asperger's trait, so what do I know.) The primary thing about Asperger's syndrome is that it causes severe social impairment. To me, "severe social impairment" always brings to mind the perpetual adolescent loafer that lived next door to my parents' house, who lived with his parents until he was thirty, quit college before graduating, never held a job for more than six months at a time, and spent practically all his free time in his room playing video games.
Later libertarian philosophy influenced me, as practiced by the good folks over at LewRockwell.com. They are big on taking responsibility for one's actions and eschewing lame excuses for behavior.
So Asperger's became to me a label, a crutch, an excuse for behavior which was only mine to change.
And over time, I became independent and self supporting. I graduated from college, then graduate school, then I found a job and have been working here for a number of years. This despite my social anxieties. I found that over time, I was able to better control my outbursts, more obvious social abnormalities, and emotional comportment. In short, I matured. I attributed it to better self discipline and the greater maturity that comes with age.
I figured, if I can do that, am I really "impaired"? If I can barely function throughout high school and college, and then "man up" once I enter the working world where the consequences for risky behavior become dire, is Asperger's then real?
Of course, this may be typical of folks with Asperger's who transition into adulthood. But I have no outside perspective on this. Perhaps some of you could enlighten me.
It is true that I still lack a great deal of social contact, much less any romantic prospects. I can say with almost certainty that I have no friends in the fullest, most meaningful sense of the word. I will openly admit, right here, that I remain a virgin to this day.
This is only fair, really. I would attribute this to:
1) little contact with other people outside work;
2) deliberate maintenance of a regimen of minimal social interaction (I like my solitude also);
3) needy, clinging, negative personality, which contributes directly to 1) and 2).
Such is the outcome of the lifetime pursuit of failure. In the end it is only myself who has ended up in a dark, lonely, cold place by not practicing what I preach. Such are the wages of a nihilistic philosophy of Me.
I guess it would be wrong to simply state that Asperger's is a fraud based on my experience. I am the true fraud. It is true that I probably don't have Asperger's, notwithstanding any diagnoses in my past. Instead, I am a narcissistic attention seeker who has desired ego stroking throughout life to feed a self destructive binge. No matter how much praise I receive, I only want to loathe myself all the more in spite of all that.
When I am calm and coherent, I am not usually inclined to spout obscenties about myself. But that is rare. Most of the time (or at least when I am emotionally agitated, which is not obvious from mere observation) I experience a major degree of self loathing. When this happens, I need to speak to someone and hear them say good things about me. Narcissistic supply, I dare say. But then I proceed to deny the veracity of everything they say, all probably true, in the name of the "truth." Because I need to feel bad about myself, almost like a drug. I don't understand why, other than that I despise my personality, I feel like I can't perform my job properly, and that I feel that other people dislike me. Of course, the reality likely is (see, I can't even simply admit that I'm deluded) is that my personality is pleasant enough, I perform my job well, and other people have no problem with me (though I provide them little opportunity to forge close and lasting social relationships with me). This has been told to me many, many times, while no one has ever agreed with my own line of thinking. Yet I simply can't accept this as truth. This pathological self-loathing is the root cause of all my problems - social, professional, domestic. I presume this is not due to Asperger's syndrome, but is behavior of a more pathological sort.
Really it is fascinating. Praise usually has a positive effect on people; but for me, the opposite is true. The depths of my narcissistic self hatred is so intense, it can only be explained as the warped demonstration of a deep pathological narcissism and sense of grandiose superiority that in the end can only serve to destroy me utterly. If I cannot be unconditionally worshipped as the flawless god which I am, then it would appear that I am not worthy of praise or acceptance otherwise.
It is how I have acted throughout my life. It is morally repulsive and reprehensible, and should rightfully be condemned.
As one of the respondents to my odious post noted, I gamed the system. That's right, that's exactly what I did. I am a spoiled, disgusting crybaby, plain and simple, probably not very deserving of the life that nature gave me.
This is why I have always stated that Asperger's is a fraud in the past: because I played it for a fraud. This is not truth seeking, but more trolling for narcissistic supply. To conflate it with truth is, too, fraud.
As to whether Asperger's is a fiction or not in reality, I'll leave that up to those who have the credentials and credibility to vouch (or not vouch) for its existence. Certainly I have no experience there.
To that respondent who stated that this was a horrible blog: Well, besides the poorly written, pompous, self-righteous deprecation of outside interests as my childish means of psychological projection, I think this is a very good blog. You and I may not see eye to eye politically, but libertarianism is not all that bad a philosophy. Try it sometime. And tell me what's wrong with viatology (i.e. highway studies), daytime television, or urban studies? Other people have these diverse interests, too, as my links attest.
From this point onward, I will refrain from posting critical observations about life phenomena outside of my areas of research interest: politics, economics, urban affairs, popular entertainment, and viatology.
Because as Jesus said, he who casts the first stone should be without sin - and believe it, that ain't me.
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
05 February 2009
22 November 2008
Some more thoughts on narcissism
The narcissist consumes everything around him. His rage lashes out to destroy other people, to the point of their physical demise.
Above all the narcissist must be completely sated. Anything that goes against his desires leads to often lethal consequences.
It can easily be seen that narcissists are drawn to power and enjoy the imposition of force and coercion on others. A double standard exists, of course, regarding the narcissist - force cannot be brought to bear on him, but he is anointed by fate to lead others around by the nose.
Therefore it is imperative that justice be imposed upon him. Narcissism cannot be cured, regrettably. The one thing that a narcissist/thug respects is force. The narcissist can only be tamed at the end of a barrel of a gun.
In short, the narcissist is a thug, and deserves to be treated as such.
More food for thought this evening.
20 November 2008
The Asperger's scam
More on this subject must be said.
Why the sudden explosion in diagnoses of Asperger's syndrome and other forms of "higher functioning" autism? As we have demonstrated, Asperger's is not a mental disorder per se (myself and the asspies are in agreement on this point, ironically). Rather, Asperger's is a label which psychologists have conjured up out of thin air and applied by consensus to describe a personality type which substantially demonstrates traits of social withdrawl, social awkwardness, inability to relate to others, and extreme self-focus. These are not "psycho" behaviors by any means; instead these are clear manifestations of a poor moral character. Therefore, Asperger's syndrome is a fiction and a scam, its existence perpetuated by the medical establishment and their pharmaceutical corporate clients to line their pockets and further the careers of a few highly placed "advocates" for the disorder.
The above mentioned traits are the hallmarks of certain forms of narcissism. People holding these traits are not called pure narcissists, however, because in the minds of the psychology profession and the common man, narcissism is considered a malignant personality type associated with extroversion and not linked to inhibition of social interaction.
Narcissism, too, is not a mental disorder, but a personality type - a personality which lacks a moral conscience. Narcissists are universally loathed by society, for good reason - they destroy and prevent human happiness and pose a heavy fiscal and social burden on Western civilization. The culture of a purely narcissistic world is the underclass ghetto - dysfunctional, depraved, certain violent death, every man for himself.
Asperger's youth are troubled, in the sense that they are not psychologically normal. But like the budding narcissist, there is nothing wrong therein that cannot be corrected by a good moral education and grounding in human principles. Asperger's is not the problem, since it is not real; it is the moral constitution of the individual in question which must be changed so that he may take his place in human society. Namely, his character must undergo a transformation from that of an incompetent moral moocher to that of a competent producer.
Above all, the fundamental conceit of the welfare collectivist mentality must be demolished; it must be imparted to the asspie that what is mine is not yours - this applies not just to physical possessions, but to the right to my time, my peace of mind, my right to interact with whomever I wish, my right to not be exploited as a vessel of narcissistic supply.
For all pathological behavior is rooted in the primitivist impulse to obtain something for nothing, whether it be tangible or intangible: wealth, status, power, the respect of peers, love, happiness. We all desire these things in some form or quantity to be psychologically fulfilled and lead a contented life. Some folks, however, believe that there is a shortcut to obtaining fulfilment. They have made a deal with the Devil. There is no shortcut to happiness outside the road of hard work, effort, using talents to the fullest, creating something of value, and treating others with respect and dignity. The "shortcut" route only leads to despair, failure, destitition, and often early death.
Why, you ask, is shyness and social awkwardness so evil? Why can we not merely allow the asspie to have his way? After all, they harm no one but themselves, right?
Maybe. However, the goal of any moral philosophy should be the promotion of human happiness. Elimination of all forms of collectivism, including the State, is a key part of this effort. Coercion and force of any sort should be eliminated from society so that human beings, working as individuals and in voluntary association, may be permitted to flourish and employ their faculties to their fullest, so that the greatest amount of human wants and desires may be served through the means of the market process.
But the asspie's life philosophy is inimical to this purpose. He has bought hook, line, and sinker the collectivist line that man is his brother's keeper. Of course, in asspie terms, this is perverted into the maxim that other men should provide him a living, since he feels no need to do this for himself.
His lack of social skills is deliberate and often easily rectifiable. His alleged "inabililty" to read other people's non-verbal communication is an easily correctable, deliberate failure of the asspie to learn the nuances and ways by which people communicate. The asspie, truth be told, does not desire to learn these things and become part of human society. He is afraid.
He is afraid of failure, of expending effort. He is above all profoudly lazy in the most complete sense. He says "Let George do it" time after time. He skates by in life, performing the basic minimum absolutely necessary to survive without too much discomfort.
Lack of friends and lovers, and the emnity of family members who see through the charade, are but small prices to pay for this monumental self indulgence. It takes too much effort to invest time and effort in making friends, you see. Also, it might hurt the asspie's poor wittle feelings if things don't work out as anticipated, which is usually every time.
Sometimes the loneliness hurts, but the desire to loaf retains paramount importance always, and so the asspie walks alone in life, scorned by outsiders to a man. (Better for everyone, really.) He becomes intensely focused on some puerile and ultimately quite trivial special interest, in order to fill the time which otherwise would be largely spent doing absolutely nothing. It becomes a substitute for productive effort, a crutch that can sometimes be used in certain situations, such as when the question is posed, "What do you enjoy the most in life?" (The real answer: slacking off.)
He knows deep down that this course cannot last without ending in extremely negative consequences. He knows his soul is rotten, and damns it to hell, all while secretly believing that he is "special" and deserving of all the consideration in the world.
What makes you so special? What final product in life do you have to show for your feeble and miserable efforts to merely exist?
The answer: nothing. Nada. Ziltch. You have accomplished nothing in all your pathetic, crybaby years. You, asspie, are the moral equivalent of a welfare bum and that is what you always have been. Change or die.
Act like a man, put forth some effort to make your life a pleasant one, and you will obtain the respect and happiness you desire. But until then, fuck off.
I welcome constructive criticism and comments.
(However, I predict few will deign to challenge me in any substantial manner. The asspies are going to be pissing all over themselves now in mortal terror, and running back into their dark holes to suck their thumbs and cry like the babies they are, now that someone has finally exposed the rotten truth behind their racket for all to see.)
Why the sudden explosion in diagnoses of Asperger's syndrome and other forms of "higher functioning" autism? As we have demonstrated, Asperger's is not a mental disorder per se (myself and the asspies are in agreement on this point, ironically). Rather, Asperger's is a label which psychologists have conjured up out of thin air and applied by consensus to describe a personality type which substantially demonstrates traits of social withdrawl, social awkwardness, inability to relate to others, and extreme self-focus. These are not "psycho" behaviors by any means; instead these are clear manifestations of a poor moral character. Therefore, Asperger's syndrome is a fiction and a scam, its existence perpetuated by the medical establishment and their pharmaceutical corporate clients to line their pockets and further the careers of a few highly placed "advocates" for the disorder.
The above mentioned traits are the hallmarks of certain forms of narcissism. People holding these traits are not called pure narcissists, however, because in the minds of the psychology profession and the common man, narcissism is considered a malignant personality type associated with extroversion and not linked to inhibition of social interaction.
Narcissism, too, is not a mental disorder, but a personality type - a personality which lacks a moral conscience. Narcissists are universally loathed by society, for good reason - they destroy and prevent human happiness and pose a heavy fiscal and social burden on Western civilization. The culture of a purely narcissistic world is the underclass ghetto - dysfunctional, depraved, certain violent death, every man for himself.
Asperger's youth are troubled, in the sense that they are not psychologically normal. But like the budding narcissist, there is nothing wrong therein that cannot be corrected by a good moral education and grounding in human principles. Asperger's is not the problem, since it is not real; it is the moral constitution of the individual in question which must be changed so that he may take his place in human society. Namely, his character must undergo a transformation from that of an incompetent moral moocher to that of a competent producer.
Above all, the fundamental conceit of the welfare collectivist mentality must be demolished; it must be imparted to the asspie that what is mine is not yours - this applies not just to physical possessions, but to the right to my time, my peace of mind, my right to interact with whomever I wish, my right to not be exploited as a vessel of narcissistic supply.
For all pathological behavior is rooted in the primitivist impulse to obtain something for nothing, whether it be tangible or intangible: wealth, status, power, the respect of peers, love, happiness. We all desire these things in some form or quantity to be psychologically fulfilled and lead a contented life. Some folks, however, believe that there is a shortcut to obtaining fulfilment. They have made a deal with the Devil. There is no shortcut to happiness outside the road of hard work, effort, using talents to the fullest, creating something of value, and treating others with respect and dignity. The "shortcut" route only leads to despair, failure, destitition, and often early death.
Why, you ask, is shyness and social awkwardness so evil? Why can we not merely allow the asspie to have his way? After all, they harm no one but themselves, right?
Maybe. However, the goal of any moral philosophy should be the promotion of human happiness. Elimination of all forms of collectivism, including the State, is a key part of this effort. Coercion and force of any sort should be eliminated from society so that human beings, working as individuals and in voluntary association, may be permitted to flourish and employ their faculties to their fullest, so that the greatest amount of human wants and desires may be served through the means of the market process.
But the asspie's life philosophy is inimical to this purpose. He has bought hook, line, and sinker the collectivist line that man is his brother's keeper. Of course, in asspie terms, this is perverted into the maxim that other men should provide him a living, since he feels no need to do this for himself.
His lack of social skills is deliberate and often easily rectifiable. His alleged "inabililty" to read other people's non-verbal communication is an easily correctable, deliberate failure of the asspie to learn the nuances and ways by which people communicate. The asspie, truth be told, does not desire to learn these things and become part of human society. He is afraid.
He is afraid of failure, of expending effort. He is above all profoudly lazy in the most complete sense. He says "Let George do it" time after time. He skates by in life, performing the basic minimum absolutely necessary to survive without too much discomfort.
Lack of friends and lovers, and the emnity of family members who see through the charade, are but small prices to pay for this monumental self indulgence. It takes too much effort to invest time and effort in making friends, you see. Also, it might hurt the asspie's poor wittle feelings if things don't work out as anticipated, which is usually every time.
Sometimes the loneliness hurts, but the desire to loaf retains paramount importance always, and so the asspie walks alone in life, scorned by outsiders to a man. (Better for everyone, really.) He becomes intensely focused on some puerile and ultimately quite trivial special interest, in order to fill the time which otherwise would be largely spent doing absolutely nothing. It becomes a substitute for productive effort, a crutch that can sometimes be used in certain situations, such as when the question is posed, "What do you enjoy the most in life?" (The real answer: slacking off.)
He knows deep down that this course cannot last without ending in extremely negative consequences. He knows his soul is rotten, and damns it to hell, all while secretly believing that he is "special" and deserving of all the consideration in the world.
What makes you so special? What final product in life do you have to show for your feeble and miserable efforts to merely exist?
The answer: nothing. Nada. Ziltch. You have accomplished nothing in all your pathetic, crybaby years. You, asspie, are the moral equivalent of a welfare bum and that is what you always have been. Change or die.
Act like a man, put forth some effort to make your life a pleasant one, and you will obtain the respect and happiness you desire. But until then, fuck off.
I welcome constructive criticism and comments.
(However, I predict few will deign to challenge me in any substantial manner. The asspies are going to be pissing all over themselves now in mortal terror, and running back into their dark holes to suck their thumbs and cry like the babies they are, now that someone has finally exposed the rotten truth behind their racket for all to see.)
19 November 2008
The truth about Asperger's
I will be harsher and blunter here than usual this evening, because I am fuming and hopping mad over this issue.
The idolaters of the State are preparing society for the next victim group - people with "Asperger's syndrome", self-referred to as "aspies."
However, the dark truth is that "aspies" are simply a different, more insidious species of narcissist - essentially the narcissist stripped of his Type A personality and pared down to the sniveling, whimpering loser core.
From all appearances from a disinterested outside observer, "aspies" seem very much to be a group of loser disaffected failures who rant and rail about the "unfairness" of a world which doesn't accord them the respect and "special attention" which they 'deserve' due to their "special condition." In other words, instead of playing the game like everyone else, they decide to go into a corner and pout and cry because they are incompetent at basic social skills which most normal people pick up as toddlers.
And why do these worthless pieces of human refuse lack said skills? All signs point to a fatal and fundamental narcissism of character which demands that the "asspie" be granted something for nothing, that the asspie need not acquire social skills, competence, education, or much of anything else because they are owed a living and a comfortable existence by the rest of society. It is much the same philosophy that moves the welfare loafer, the lazy bum, the homeless man looking for a handout.
There. I have exploded the real reason for these insipid morons' existence. Read it and weep.
The asspie never really moves beyond infancy in a mental sense. The regulation and control of emotions which humans learn as a basic skill of socialization is either never imparted to them or, more often, a lesson which is willfully ignored by these dark souls. Therefore they are emotional and mental juveniles, never really entering adulthood in a meaningful sense as they age. Their entire lives are focused around the immediate gratification and fullfilment of their needs - central to which is the desire to be immediately loved and adored despite having nothing of substantive character and moral quality to show for it. Lack of this ego stroking leads to depression and bouts of narcissistic rage, which are of course the time honored means by which extremely immature people demonstrate their displeasure at not getting their way all the time.
It is claimed that the asspie desperately seeks friends and eventually a lover, but has no real knowledge of how to go about doing this. While this may be true, it is the end product of a life spent alienating people due to immature, ignorant, and ultimately bizarre behavior. In reality, most asspies seek out outside interaction because they require a constant source of narcissistic 'supply' by which to tell their sob stories and elicit pity. This self-evidently exploitative relationship is by its very nature short-lived, once the 'target' becomes wise to the game and thus ceases to function as a reliable source of supply. In this manner, relationships with asspies are almost always tenuous, shallow, brief, and fleeting.
The asspie is incapable of forming friendships in the traditional sense; the life of an asspie is so self directed and focused that he entirely lacks the capacity to consider other people in any manner. In standard narcissist fashion, the asspie's self-centeredness is so great that he completely lacks the ability to consider other people's feelings and rights, or to emphasize with another party or anyone else outside himself. The asspie may be able to emphasize to the extent that the other person's travails parallel his own "struggles." However, that is the rough limit of asspie normality.
Because the asspie is unable to feel and act like a normal person, suffice it to say that the asspie, in a very real sense, is not fully human. Like psychopaths, thugs, narcissists, and other pathological personalities, the asspie may best be considered a form of subhuman scum, the existence of which is inimical to positive human pursuits and actions.
However, unlike the aforementioned pathologies, in the end the asspie is his own worst enemy. Left to his own devices, the asspie is, like all narcissists, a fundamentally self-destructive individual, for which the greatest harm is ultimately inflicted upon himself due to the pathologies of his actions and his complete inability to function normally in society. Those unfortuates who encounter the asspie in his daily life are mildly harmed, but not to any extensive degree. In the end the asspie's wildest dreams are realized - life as a destitute, or homeless, or imprisoned.
For the ultimate conceit of the asspie is that he knows, after all, that he is worthless human refuse, without an ounce of completed productive effort to his name. Asspies, unlike other narcissistic personalities, seem to possess some form of human conscience, and realize that justice demands that their utter worthlessness be exposed in some dramatic and unpleasant fashion in order to appease the dictates of morality. So like the other pathological personalities, his life course is a race to the bottom which ultimately ends in destitution, disappointment to self and family members, and productiveless failure.
So the next time you hear someone calling for "aspie pride", chuckle to yourself and remember what an "aspie" is. It is like hearing a call for "narcissistic pride", "child molester pride", or some such.
The idolaters of the State are preparing society for the next victim group - people with "Asperger's syndrome", self-referred to as "aspies."
However, the dark truth is that "aspies" are simply a different, more insidious species of narcissist - essentially the narcissist stripped of his Type A personality and pared down to the sniveling, whimpering loser core.
From all appearances from a disinterested outside observer, "aspies" seem very much to be a group of loser disaffected failures who rant and rail about the "unfairness" of a world which doesn't accord them the respect and "special attention" which they 'deserve' due to their "special condition." In other words, instead of playing the game like everyone else, they decide to go into a corner and pout and cry because they are incompetent at basic social skills which most normal people pick up as toddlers.
And why do these worthless pieces of human refuse lack said skills? All signs point to a fatal and fundamental narcissism of character which demands that the "asspie" be granted something for nothing, that the asspie need not acquire social skills, competence, education, or much of anything else because they are owed a living and a comfortable existence by the rest of society. It is much the same philosophy that moves the welfare loafer, the lazy bum, the homeless man looking for a handout.
There. I have exploded the real reason for these insipid morons' existence. Read it and weep.
The asspie never really moves beyond infancy in a mental sense. The regulation and control of emotions which humans learn as a basic skill of socialization is either never imparted to them or, more often, a lesson which is willfully ignored by these dark souls. Therefore they are emotional and mental juveniles, never really entering adulthood in a meaningful sense as they age. Their entire lives are focused around the immediate gratification and fullfilment of their needs - central to which is the desire to be immediately loved and adored despite having nothing of substantive character and moral quality to show for it. Lack of this ego stroking leads to depression and bouts of narcissistic rage, which are of course the time honored means by which extremely immature people demonstrate their displeasure at not getting their way all the time.
It is claimed that the asspie desperately seeks friends and eventually a lover, but has no real knowledge of how to go about doing this. While this may be true, it is the end product of a life spent alienating people due to immature, ignorant, and ultimately bizarre behavior. In reality, most asspies seek out outside interaction because they require a constant source of narcissistic 'supply' by which to tell their sob stories and elicit pity. This self-evidently exploitative relationship is by its very nature short-lived, once the 'target' becomes wise to the game and thus ceases to function as a reliable source of supply. In this manner, relationships with asspies are almost always tenuous, shallow, brief, and fleeting.
The asspie is incapable of forming friendships in the traditional sense; the life of an asspie is so self directed and focused that he entirely lacks the capacity to consider other people in any manner. In standard narcissist fashion, the asspie's self-centeredness is so great that he completely lacks the ability to consider other people's feelings and rights, or to emphasize with another party or anyone else outside himself. The asspie may be able to emphasize to the extent that the other person's travails parallel his own "struggles." However, that is the rough limit of asspie normality.
Because the asspie is unable to feel and act like a normal person, suffice it to say that the asspie, in a very real sense, is not fully human. Like psychopaths, thugs, narcissists, and other pathological personalities, the asspie may best be considered a form of subhuman scum, the existence of which is inimical to positive human pursuits and actions.
However, unlike the aforementioned pathologies, in the end the asspie is his own worst enemy. Left to his own devices, the asspie is, like all narcissists, a fundamentally self-destructive individual, for which the greatest harm is ultimately inflicted upon himself due to the pathologies of his actions and his complete inability to function normally in society. Those unfortuates who encounter the asspie in his daily life are mildly harmed, but not to any extensive degree. In the end the asspie's wildest dreams are realized - life as a destitute, or homeless, or imprisoned.
For the ultimate conceit of the asspie is that he knows, after all, that he is worthless human refuse, without an ounce of completed productive effort to his name. Asspies, unlike other narcissistic personalities, seem to possess some form of human conscience, and realize that justice demands that their utter worthlessness be exposed in some dramatic and unpleasant fashion in order to appease the dictates of morality. So like the other pathological personalities, his life course is a race to the bottom which ultimately ends in destitution, disappointment to self and family members, and productiveless failure.
So the next time you hear someone calling for "aspie pride", chuckle to yourself and remember what an "aspie" is. It is like hearing a call for "narcissistic pride", "child molester pride", or some such.
14 November 2008
Psycho world
This brilliant article is extensively insightful for understanding the crisis of the modern age.
It is increasingly apparent that what drives the madness of our declining civilization is the actions of a few imbecilic prime movers located in high places of power with the ability to effect life or death change upon the huddled masses. As sane men recognize that nearly everything these almighty solons contemplate is rife with the most short sighted, counterproductive, anti-intellectualist malarkey imaginable, it should be crystal clear to us that those in power are not there to "serve the public trust" or some other such banal justification. It is power, pure power, they seek - power to manipulate people's lives, and to inflict hurt and destruction on a scale heretofore unimaginable in human history.
The only explanation for this insatiable will to power must lie in the human psyche, namely that disorder of the mind known as psychopathy. The ancients knew it as the tragic aspect of human nature. In an age when might made right and power was wielded by the most ruthless spear chucker, psychopathy was perhaps the most formidable weapon, as those who possessed it could easily sublimate their conscience as the skulls of one's enemies were violently crushed beneath the feet of the forces of death.
Rapidly we hurtle back into time as the primitivism of our age grows like a fattening leech. The antedote to the tyranny of the psychopath "elite" is information and sanity. With each advance of the total State (the eternal vanguard of which the psychopaths have advanced their interests throughout history), the progression toward the light slows, or downright reverses, and we slip increasingly further back into the barbarism of a more hubristic time, when shady reptilian characters ruled with iron firmness as the common lot of humanity writhed in a seething quagmire of ignorance and barren material want.
Will the psychopaths achieve victory in this current battle of the ages? Likely, as they have yet to experience failure in any of their base endeavors throughout history. The sheeple in their enduring ignorance and attendance to their bare physical needs have not the time, energy, or motivation to show up the imperial bullies once and for all.
Soon it will become imperative, however, to arrest the progress of the dark enemies of humanity for all time. And they are enemies of humanity. The psychopath, much like his social peer the dickhead, is a vortex of self focusing, a blaring suction vortice of ME, ME, ME, for who the pleasuring of his glands and organs are far more important that anything else, including human life itself.
The psychopaths must be neutralized - starting first with the psychopath who will soon inhabit the White House.
If this is not done, then the world as we know it is doomed beyond salvation.
It is increasingly apparent that what drives the madness of our declining civilization is the actions of a few imbecilic prime movers located in high places of power with the ability to effect life or death change upon the huddled masses. As sane men recognize that nearly everything these almighty solons contemplate is rife with the most short sighted, counterproductive, anti-intellectualist malarkey imaginable, it should be crystal clear to us that those in power are not there to "serve the public trust" or some other such banal justification. It is power, pure power, they seek - power to manipulate people's lives, and to inflict hurt and destruction on a scale heretofore unimaginable in human history.
The only explanation for this insatiable will to power must lie in the human psyche, namely that disorder of the mind known as psychopathy. The ancients knew it as the tragic aspect of human nature. In an age when might made right and power was wielded by the most ruthless spear chucker, psychopathy was perhaps the most formidable weapon, as those who possessed it could easily sublimate their conscience as the skulls of one's enemies were violently crushed beneath the feet of the forces of death.
Rapidly we hurtle back into time as the primitivism of our age grows like a fattening leech. The antedote to the tyranny of the psychopath "elite" is information and sanity. With each advance of the total State (the eternal vanguard of which the psychopaths have advanced their interests throughout history), the progression toward the light slows, or downright reverses, and we slip increasingly further back into the barbarism of a more hubristic time, when shady reptilian characters ruled with iron firmness as the common lot of humanity writhed in a seething quagmire of ignorance and barren material want.
Will the psychopaths achieve victory in this current battle of the ages? Likely, as they have yet to experience failure in any of their base endeavors throughout history. The sheeple in their enduring ignorance and attendance to their bare physical needs have not the time, energy, or motivation to show up the imperial bullies once and for all.
Soon it will become imperative, however, to arrest the progress of the dark enemies of humanity for all time. And they are enemies of humanity. The psychopath, much like his social peer the dickhead, is a vortex of self focusing, a blaring suction vortice of ME, ME, ME, for who the pleasuring of his glands and organs are far more important that anything else, including human life itself.
The psychopaths must be neutralized - starting first with the psychopath who will soon inhabit the White House.
If this is not done, then the world as we know it is doomed beyond salvation.
22 July 2008
But that's not the official doctrine!! Whatever...
Witness the unconcealed truth, bedraggled Amerikans: Radio talk show host Michael Savage speaks the officially forbidden truth about autism:
Hear, hear! Kudos to those like Mr. Savage who expose the scam artists, lying doctors, and other justificators of indolence and subsidy!!!
(As you know I may be one of the handful of people on earth who believes that autism [for the most part] is a fictional disorder. The doctors tried to place the mark of Cain on me, too - but I wasn't buying. Sorry Charlie, no sale.)
Some parents of autistic children have called for Savage's firing after he described autism as a racket last week. "In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out," Savage said on his radio program last Wednesday.
Savage offered no apology in a message posted Monday on his Web site. He said greedy doctors and drug companies were creating a "national panic" by overdiagnosing autism, a mental disorder that inhibits a person's ability to communicate.
On his radio show last week, he said: "What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, `Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, you idiot.'"
Hear, hear! Kudos to those like Mr. Savage who expose the scam artists, lying doctors, and other justificators of indolence and subsidy!!!
(As you know I may be one of the handful of people on earth who believes that autism [for the most part] is a fictional disorder. The doctors tried to place the mark of Cain on me, too - but I wasn't buying. Sorry Charlie, no sale.)
26 June 2008
Moral dishonesty
I think oftentimes in this world, in the realm of interpersonal relations, we who are shy and not wont to make waves don't tell other people what we really think about them, their lifestyles, or the way they live and act.
For the most part this is good. After all, the way I live and go about my personal affairs is not anyone's business. But this also has the pernicious effect of preventing us from clearly identifying incompetence and moral idiocy in this world and calling it out for what it is. This provides tremendous unearned benefits to politicians and other shysters.
Employee evaluations are a case in point. Around this time of year we perform these at my office. I absolutely detest them - not because I dislike being evaluated (actually I would welcome an honest and open appraisal), but because I wonder if evaluators are really applying objective standards therein, thereby rendering the entire process moot and rather superfluous. They permit interpersonal feelings of not wishing to offend someone, and thus exposing oneself to lawsuits or other such claptrap, to influence and shape the outcome. We are not graded on a curve here, where we are ranked from most to least productive - all employees are evaluated individually. And for the most part, everyone seems to do quite well on these evaluations, from what I can tell. But everyone cannot be above average; the world is not Lake Wobegon.
Either that is because we have really exceptional employees, or some standard is being ignored. Given that these are GOVERNMENT JOBS, I can't believe for a minute that we are all that exceptional, at least by the standards of the marketplace (which is the measurement standard that should be used in this case). We are insulated from having to produce a profit or anything of value, so how can we be such good workers?
(Maybe we are good workers by government standards. Fine, point taken. But just consider for a minute, though, what "government standards" are and what that term implies. I won't elaborate since I presume you have enough intelligence to understand the concept yourself, if you are a regular to this place on the web.)
I use the above example because it is so prosaic and common. Yet it is a situation which demands moral backbone, no matter how much it 'hurts'. I know most normal people dislike conflict (this excludes thugs, residents of "Nolia" down yonder in the Crescent City, and the pathologically violent - but I repeat myself here). But sometimes we have to call out failure for what it is, lest we allow it to become too common in this world.
I think this lack of moral clarity is a major contributor toward the problems of our postmodern age. Society doesn't set clear standards, so people are free to do whatever without fear of reproach. In fact we have abolished standards, since they are supposed to be outdated relics of a past age. Bullshit. Without standards there can be no measures of competence, and without measures of competence nothing gets done well, or at all.
Or worse yet, behavior that no one could get away with under a moral society is tolerated and even promoted, as a moral free-for-all tends to encourage the rise of the most ruthless, wanton, and incompetent to the top. Witness our current political and intellectual elites for a classic case in point.
Society needs to return to basic morals. This means to get the State out of the way permanently, since the State is the greatest benefactor of the evaporation of standards. (Why do you think it is so instrumental in promoting moral decay, courtesy of public schooling and all that?) After all, mass murder is far more difficult to accomplish when a society actually values life.
For the most part this is good. After all, the way I live and go about my personal affairs is not anyone's business. But this also has the pernicious effect of preventing us from clearly identifying incompetence and moral idiocy in this world and calling it out for what it is. This provides tremendous unearned benefits to politicians and other shysters.
Employee evaluations are a case in point. Around this time of year we perform these at my office. I absolutely detest them - not because I dislike being evaluated (actually I would welcome an honest and open appraisal), but because I wonder if evaluators are really applying objective standards therein, thereby rendering the entire process moot and rather superfluous. They permit interpersonal feelings of not wishing to offend someone, and thus exposing oneself to lawsuits or other such claptrap, to influence and shape the outcome. We are not graded on a curve here, where we are ranked from most to least productive - all employees are evaluated individually. And for the most part, everyone seems to do quite well on these evaluations, from what I can tell. But everyone cannot be above average; the world is not Lake Wobegon.
Either that is because we have really exceptional employees, or some standard is being ignored. Given that these are GOVERNMENT JOBS, I can't believe for a minute that we are all that exceptional, at least by the standards of the marketplace (which is the measurement standard that should be used in this case). We are insulated from having to produce a profit or anything of value, so how can we be such good workers?
(Maybe we are good workers by government standards. Fine, point taken. But just consider for a minute, though, what "government standards" are and what that term implies. I won't elaborate since I presume you have enough intelligence to understand the concept yourself, if you are a regular to this place on the web.)
I use the above example because it is so prosaic and common. Yet it is a situation which demands moral backbone, no matter how much it 'hurts'. I know most normal people dislike conflict (this excludes thugs, residents of "Nolia" down yonder in the Crescent City, and the pathologically violent - but I repeat myself here). But sometimes we have to call out failure for what it is, lest we allow it to become too common in this world.
I think this lack of moral clarity is a major contributor toward the problems of our postmodern age. Society doesn't set clear standards, so people are free to do whatever without fear of reproach. In fact we have abolished standards, since they are supposed to be outdated relics of a past age. Bullshit. Without standards there can be no measures of competence, and without measures of competence nothing gets done well, or at all.
Or worse yet, behavior that no one could get away with under a moral society is tolerated and even promoted, as a moral free-for-all tends to encourage the rise of the most ruthless, wanton, and incompetent to the top. Witness our current political and intellectual elites for a classic case in point.
Society needs to return to basic morals. This means to get the State out of the way permanently, since the State is the greatest benefactor of the evaporation of standards. (Why do you think it is so instrumental in promoting moral decay, courtesy of public schooling and all that?) After all, mass murder is far more difficult to accomplish when a society actually values life.
22 June 2008
Sad state of affairs
What does the current way we live say about us as a society?
We destroy our cities and atomize our communities to hermetically seal ourselves from everyone else save those we want to associate with, and the result is growing disunion and ignorance of how the other half lives. And still we feel spiritual emptiness inside as our protected lives do not meet our satisfaction, and then we indulge our broken psyches in the vapid emptiness of electronic media, or alcohol, or drugs.
Because we have chosen to draw within ourselves within the false protective enclave of the suburban cul-de-sac and the gated country club community, we have lost touch with the rest of humanity. We fear the Other, whether that be racial, ethnic, socioeconomic, cultural, or simply those who do not measure up to bourgeois White "standards". We thus display little tolerance toward those who are different, or who express even the most minute distinction of opinion from ourselves. They become non-persons, barely recognizable to us, and then when politicians decide that these Others must be eradicated, either from sight or in a physical sense, it seems just fine to us, because it does not disturb our empty little lives.
People who have difficulty mixing with others but who desperately need it to feel whole, such as the shy and the unattached, find it next to impossible to establish a link or contact to others, since virtually everyone they encounter has ensconsed themselves into protected shallow shells of lives that admit no one outside their pre-established racial, income, and cultural preferences. Finding no other outlet to establish meaning in their lives outside the poisonous emptiness of the electronic media, they descend into despair and squalor, written off as society's losers, marching toward the fate of a Travis Bickle.
And in this manner we write off roughly half of our population (which happens, by the way, to be the most emotionally sane and mentally balanced segment of the whole), contain them to ghettos both physical and emotional, with the larger society in its shallow vacuousness regarding as "sick" those whose lives do not revolve around the Holy Trinity of postmodern life: barhopping, sports, and physical and spiritual self-indulgence.
We leave our forgotten urban environments to these 'broken' souls - our eviscerated central business districts which long ago ceased to be central to anything; our pre-war inner neighborhoods left to the reign of the superfly as the 'better element' fled to suburbia in pursuit of the false promise of a better life; our industrial precincts to rot and ruin as an increasingly self indulgent society decided that pushing paper and selling cheap crap was a more productive and (most importantly) comfortable and more dignified activity than making things.
The State has played a key role in these ends - the elites who lived on the fringe, on the country club far outside the limits of the city, decided that if everyone could live like them, and think like them, and be like them, then how easy it would be to control the great masses of sheeple who had been sold a false happiness of pseudo-elite privilege as long as they "played by the rules." So to this end the State subsidized highways and mortgages and automobile ownership and cookie-cutter development, in a large scale profit taking that created a false plastic world of elite living, commodified for the great middle class. And the unthinking dolts bought into it hook, line, and sinker.
For thirty or so years after the Second World War there was a large scale ethos of "out with the old, in with the new" which extended to all facets of life - city building, child rearing, human relations, and more. Perhaps the brute and sudden changes brought by industrialization which characterized the early twentieth century, combined with the horrific holocaust of two large-scale global conflicts which inured humans to the horrors of massive destructive violence and set new precedents for human bestiality, led prominent social thinkers to believe that the old codes of living were not valid any longer.
Animals may be replaced by machines for work purposes and old industries give way to new, but human nature remains the same throughout. It is just a matter of having bigger toys to play with.
Humans are social animals and one cannot commit atomization upon them without rather nasty effects. Some are screamingly obvious - increasing rates of violent crime, poverty, social isolation, tribalism along racial and class lines, etc. Others are not so obvious, as when you observe men who are disassociated from others for no discernable reason, who are not married and have no clear prospects of becoming married.
The increasing social and economic pathology in this society, and the growing tolerance of fascism, inhumanity, and brutality in the public and private spheres, is a reflection of social atomization. The State has achieved its goal - destroying society from within, so that it becomes increasingly easy to rule it from without.
Thanx, Uncle Sam.
17 June 2008
False pride
In case you didn't know, tomorrow (the 18th) is Autistic Pride Day. Presumably this event has been established to convince all of us "neurotypicals" that autistic people are "just like the rest of us" except they have this slight difference in the way they use their brains...or so goes the conventional wisdom.
This again makes me angry enough to fire off another poast raving about stupidity in the world. Yes, there is autism, and it is nothing to be proud of. Autism is a pervasive developmental disorder which renders the person unable to care for or support themselves. Therefore autistics are net drains on society, regrettably for those who wish to 'reintegrate' them into the mainstream. Folks with true autism should be institutionalized, as they were in the 1950s. It is the most cost effective way to care for them.
And then there are those 'higher functioning' autistics who claim to take pride in their differences and reject their 'repression' by a society which just misunderstands them so much. People, I am only going to tell you once -
Asperger's Syndrome is a fiction!!
It is just a fancy way of saying someone is a LOSER. To paraphrase Vince Lombardi, it is a loser's diagnosis for losers. Social isolation, inability to relate to others, employment instability, clumsiness, etc. etc. -- sound a bit like a LOSER, doesn't it??
Do not be swindled otherwise by the dickheadocrats, the "disinterested" medical profession, the so-called arbitrers of health science, etc. Scientists are human just as much as anyone, and today they are even more willing to give their careers to temptation with all that government research money floating about. Why, they might even come to the same conclusions which our Leaders desire. What cheer!
So-called 'servants of science' desire those green pieces of paper we call money today just as much as anyone. Avarice is original sin, you know.
This again makes me angry enough to fire off another poast raving about stupidity in the world. Yes, there is autism, and it is nothing to be proud of. Autism is a pervasive developmental disorder which renders the person unable to care for or support themselves. Therefore autistics are net drains on society, regrettably for those who wish to 'reintegrate' them into the mainstream. Folks with true autism should be institutionalized, as they were in the 1950s. It is the most cost effective way to care for them.
And then there are those 'higher functioning' autistics who claim to take pride in their differences and reject their 'repression' by a society which just misunderstands them so much. People, I am only going to tell you once -
Asperger's Syndrome is a fiction!!
It is just a fancy way of saying someone is a LOSER. To paraphrase Vince Lombardi, it is a loser's diagnosis for losers. Social isolation, inability to relate to others, employment instability, clumsiness, etc. etc. -- sound a bit like a LOSER, doesn't it??
Do not be swindled otherwise by the dickheadocrats, the "disinterested" medical profession, the so-called arbitrers of health science, etc. Scientists are human just as much as anyone, and today they are even more willing to give their careers to temptation with all that government research money floating about. Why, they might even come to the same conclusions which our Leaders desire. What cheer!
So-called 'servants of science' desire those green pieces of paper we call money today just as much as anyone. Avarice is original sin, you know.
24 April 2008
Conform or die
Since I have been remiss in adding material to this blog here is the third poast today to compensate for recent lack of activity.
My posts of late have focused on my failed life and its ramifications. I say all this not to whine but to warn young people that you have to get your act together early on, or you will end up a broken old man largely hated by everyone.
'Fitting into' society, for all my verbal scorn therein, is critical. You ain't gonna find a well-paying job if you scare people or otherwise put off hiring managers in any way.
You will also lose the respect of your family and peers. My families' attitudes towards me are daily reminders of how lack of discipline and moral character can destroy a life.
I have yet to meet any of my sisters-in-law, nieces, or nephews. My brothers are afraid of permitting me to physically approach their family members, or even be in the same room with them. I do not hold this against them. They are only doing what they feel they must do to protect their families.
They have made it clear that they want me completely and fully out of their lives, with no role for me therein.
It is their decision to make and I respect that. After all, I have given them good reason in their minds for their course of action.
As for my friends...well, if I had any, I suppose they would have abandoned me long ago. As it is I am such an unappealing and nonconformist person that peers of my social group never saw fit to treat me any other way except with extreme violence and malevolence.
What were my sins?
Nothing criminal, I assure you. Namely my faults have merely been those things related to not fitting in.
I was never a very talkative or social person as a youth. This is the root of my issues. If you are not social in American society, and you keep to yourself and are shy and quiet (particularly if you are male), this is worse than murder, rape, or pillage. You are the equivalent of the terrorists. You make people uneasy around you, for some mysterious reason, as if you were the next Cho Seung-Hui. That is the definition of terrorism, no? People naturally come to hate you, and wish for your early death - and yes, I have been told on more occasions than I can count that the world would be a MUCH better place if I were dead. Could they be right? Perhaps.
I have never harbored homicidal tendencies such as afflicted the aforementioned Cho, but no matter - act "autistic" (for lack of a better word), and you are instantly tagged as a potential mass murderer (or at least a disruptive, unproductive force in society suited for the welfare line), and universally shunned and brought to a very low level in society despite any talents or achievements you may have to your name, or your real desire to work and be productive and contribute something of value to this world.
As a youth I had few friends, preferring books and learning over active play. In the community where I grew up, this is a no-no for a male. In order to prove your manhood, you must act macho and have interests in sports and such things. Regrettably my proclivities were otherwise, and I was too stupid to change my behavior to suit despite numerous warnings that there would be negative ramifications in the future.
When I went off to college, my community essentially cut me off. Education was a thing for upper class people who had time and money to spare. I should have been hustling for work, helping to support my parents.
I did work the entire time while in college, and I dutifully turned over my meager paycheck to my father every week. But time in class takes away from time when I could have been working, and I never heard the end of it.
You say, "But attending college certainly improved your life. If you had conformed to what your parents wanted from you, you would be a whole lot worse off today."
Surely, you jest.
I really wasn't suited for college. Professors always asked me what I was doing there. Fellow students shunned me. I handled the coursework well enough. Again, though, not fitting in did me in. Too much time studying and working; too little time getting to know other people and building relationships, which is so crucial to getting ahead in life.
In fairness I don't believe those other people wanted much to do with me anyway. They were too 'cool' and 'hip' for an unsophisticated trailer trash dumbass like me, I guess.
I have mentioned before in this blog that a college degree is merely a credential - an important credential for dickhead employers, but symbolic nevertheless. You don't learn anything in school that you wouldn't learn better and more efficiently on the job.
And it doesn't assure you of employment. A college degree does not say "One Degree, Good for a Job" - not even a diploma in a technical field such as I received. (Believe me, I did not make the mistake of graduating with a liberal arts major which would have positively ensured a future as a burger flipper.) In my case I faced many years of minimum wage employment after graduation. This of course did little to impress my family, or convince them of the relative value of a college diploma.
Not fitting in again. What hiring manager looking to fill skilled positions would take a risk on a shy loner from the trailer park, when there are dozens of Type A personality assholes with the same resume, looking for the same type of work?
What I should have done was take a few courses at the local vo-tech college after high school graduation, learned a skilled trade, and entered a portion of the workforce where positions are going begging due to lack of trained workers. (Shit, even the governor wants to do something about this very problem.)
I would probably be making double what I earn today, and I might even have the respect of my family and co-workers.
What I have now is a family that wants nothing to do with me, a reasonably well paying job of which I have no doubt could easily disappear tomorrow at the whim of my boss, co-workers and managers who think I am under-qualified and incompetent even for the easy and mindless GOVERNMENT WORK which I currently perform, and a community which has disowned me since I have 'rejected' its values, despite the fact that I am likely doing economically better than all the men remaining there put together.
I don't fit in there since I chose the professional white collar world; I don't fit in there either since I can just never escape the taint and disgrace of growing up amongst trailer trash. Not that I advertise it, but it always seems to find its way through somehow, and not because I have a habit of chimping out. I don't fit in anywhere else since I prefer to keep to myself and live a quiet life devoid of high drama and frequent trips to drinking establishments.
The only place I have found even a marginal degree of acceptance is the Black ghetto. In the 'hood people are too busy with their personal troubles, or trapped in their own addled mindlessness, to care much about anyone else, particularly some interloper screwball White man - so they just go ahead and leave you alone. So here I am.
If there is one good thing that can be said about the ghetto, then that is it.
I guess I should have conformed to what society wanted of me. Of course I believe in individuality and being yourself. Always have. But what has it gotten me, other than poverty, alienation, loneliness, and certain early death? Being true to yourself may work for the privileged - but if you belong to the grim working middle, you had better listen to your betters or else. Because, quite frankly, the people in power and their hangers-on couldn't give a flivering fuck if you live or die. In fact, your death only benefits them, for that means one less potential social burden. So they would rather see you dead anyhow. Such is the dark economic calculus of our bureaucratized age.
My posts of late have focused on my failed life and its ramifications. I say all this not to whine but to warn young people that you have to get your act together early on, or you will end up a broken old man largely hated by everyone.
'Fitting into' society, for all my verbal scorn therein, is critical. You ain't gonna find a well-paying job if you scare people or otherwise put off hiring managers in any way.
You will also lose the respect of your family and peers. My families' attitudes towards me are daily reminders of how lack of discipline and moral character can destroy a life.
I have yet to meet any of my sisters-in-law, nieces, or nephews. My brothers are afraid of permitting me to physically approach their family members, or even be in the same room with them. I do not hold this against them. They are only doing what they feel they must do to protect their families.
They have made it clear that they want me completely and fully out of their lives, with no role for me therein.
It is their decision to make and I respect that. After all, I have given them good reason in their minds for their course of action.
As for my friends...well, if I had any, I suppose they would have abandoned me long ago. As it is I am such an unappealing and nonconformist person that peers of my social group never saw fit to treat me any other way except with extreme violence and malevolence.
What were my sins?
Nothing criminal, I assure you. Namely my faults have merely been those things related to not fitting in.
I was never a very talkative or social person as a youth. This is the root of my issues. If you are not social in American society, and you keep to yourself and are shy and quiet (particularly if you are male), this is worse than murder, rape, or pillage. You are the equivalent of the terrorists. You make people uneasy around you, for some mysterious reason, as if you were the next Cho Seung-Hui. That is the definition of terrorism, no? People naturally come to hate you, and wish for your early death - and yes, I have been told on more occasions than I can count that the world would be a MUCH better place if I were dead. Could they be right? Perhaps.
I have never harbored homicidal tendencies such as afflicted the aforementioned Cho, but no matter - act "autistic" (for lack of a better word), and you are instantly tagged as a potential mass murderer (or at least a disruptive, unproductive force in society suited for the welfare line), and universally shunned and brought to a very low level in society despite any talents or achievements you may have to your name, or your real desire to work and be productive and contribute something of value to this world.
As a youth I had few friends, preferring books and learning over active play. In the community where I grew up, this is a no-no for a male. In order to prove your manhood, you must act macho and have interests in sports and such things. Regrettably my proclivities were otherwise, and I was too stupid to change my behavior to suit despite numerous warnings that there would be negative ramifications in the future.
When I went off to college, my community essentially cut me off. Education was a thing for upper class people who had time and money to spare. I should have been hustling for work, helping to support my parents.
I did work the entire time while in college, and I dutifully turned over my meager paycheck to my father every week. But time in class takes away from time when I could have been working, and I never heard the end of it.
You say, "But attending college certainly improved your life. If you had conformed to what your parents wanted from you, you would be a whole lot worse off today."
Surely, you jest.
I really wasn't suited for college. Professors always asked me what I was doing there. Fellow students shunned me. I handled the coursework well enough. Again, though, not fitting in did me in. Too much time studying and working; too little time getting to know other people and building relationships, which is so crucial to getting ahead in life.
In fairness I don't believe those other people wanted much to do with me anyway. They were too 'cool' and 'hip' for an unsophisticated trailer trash dumbass like me, I guess.
I have mentioned before in this blog that a college degree is merely a credential - an important credential for dickhead employers, but symbolic nevertheless. You don't learn anything in school that you wouldn't learn better and more efficiently on the job.
And it doesn't assure you of employment. A college degree does not say "One Degree, Good for a Job" - not even a diploma in a technical field such as I received. (Believe me, I did not make the mistake of graduating with a liberal arts major which would have positively ensured a future as a burger flipper.) In my case I faced many years of minimum wage employment after graduation. This of course did little to impress my family, or convince them of the relative value of a college diploma.
Not fitting in again. What hiring manager looking to fill skilled positions would take a risk on a shy loner from the trailer park, when there are dozens of Type A personality assholes with the same resume, looking for the same type of work?
What I should have done was take a few courses at the local vo-tech college after high school graduation, learned a skilled trade, and entered a portion of the workforce where positions are going begging due to lack of trained workers. (Shit, even the governor wants to do something about this very problem.)
I would probably be making double what I earn today, and I might even have the respect of my family and co-workers.
What I have now is a family that wants nothing to do with me, a reasonably well paying job of which I have no doubt could easily disappear tomorrow at the whim of my boss, co-workers and managers who think I am under-qualified and incompetent even for the easy and mindless GOVERNMENT WORK which I currently perform, and a community which has disowned me since I have 'rejected' its values, despite the fact that I am likely doing economically better than all the men remaining there put together.
I don't fit in there since I chose the professional white collar world; I don't fit in there either since I can just never escape the taint and disgrace of growing up amongst trailer trash. Not that I advertise it, but it always seems to find its way through somehow, and not because I have a habit of chimping out. I don't fit in anywhere else since I prefer to keep to myself and live a quiet life devoid of high drama and frequent trips to drinking establishments.
The only place I have found even a marginal degree of acceptance is the Black ghetto. In the 'hood people are too busy with their personal troubles, or trapped in their own addled mindlessness, to care much about anyone else, particularly some interloper screwball White man - so they just go ahead and leave you alone. So here I am.
If there is one good thing that can be said about the ghetto, then that is it.
I guess I should have conformed to what society wanted of me. Of course I believe in individuality and being yourself. Always have. But what has it gotten me, other than poverty, alienation, loneliness, and certain early death? Being true to yourself may work for the privileged - but if you belong to the grim working middle, you had better listen to your betters or else. Because, quite frankly, the people in power and their hangers-on couldn't give a flivering fuck if you live or die. In fact, your death only benefits them, for that means one less potential social burden. So they would rather see you dead anyhow. Such is the dark economic calculus of our bureaucratized age.
20 April 2008
Urban prairie blues
There are some times when I truly dislike living alone, with my parents and those other few people who care about my existence situated some seventy miles away.
This past week was one of the loneliest of my existence here so far.
Illness has a way of removing oneself from the stream, where one regularly encounters other human beings. Even if you don't know them or speak with them, just having other people around is important for the psyche. At least you understand that you are not actually alone in this world.
The TV is no substitute, at least not for the long term.
The real solution is to keep your valued friends close to you, and find a good and decent woman who loves you and has a kind and caring heart.
This past week was one of the loneliest of my existence here so far.
Illness has a way of removing oneself from the stream, where one regularly encounters other human beings. Even if you don't know them or speak with them, just having other people around is important for the psyche. At least you understand that you are not actually alone in this world.
The TV is no substitute, at least not for the long term.
The real solution is to keep your valued friends close to you, and find a good and decent woman who loves you and has a kind and caring heart.
02 April 2008
More bullshit
In case you weren't aware, today is World Autism Awareness Day.
Just another round of bullshit perpetuated by society to explain away and/or justify incompetence and lack of moral character. Sure, there are people with major developmental disabilities, who actually cannot survive without outside care, and some of them can be classified as "autistic" as that word is defined. The 'autism' which piques my ire is the so-called 'higher functioning autism', which in reality is a diagnosis looking for a patient, or a psychiatric professional scrounging for an inflated paycheck.
I know this from cold, hard personal experience.
When I was a youth, I had severe discipline and moral integrity problems. To sum it up without elaborating too much, this was caused by nothing more than my desire to be an asshole, because it felt good at the time, due to my ponderous lack of character. (Sounds a lot like a thug, doesn't it?) These behavioral 'issues' - actually grave character flaws - were 'diagnosed' by several psychiatric professionals as high functioning autism, specifically a fictional concoction which I will not name here since I have no desire to advertise an invention of dickheadery. This 'disorder' is allegedly a moderate to severe social interaction handicap to those who are so 'afflicted', which cannot be treated (except, supposedly, with expensive anti-depressant drugs and the like, which do absolutely nothing except fatten the wallets of the pharmaceutical industry), and is slated to doom its victims to a life of poverty or as a disability pensioner.
When I finally graduated from school (somehow I was miraculously able to do so without being arrested or institutionalized beforehand - that's good old public school social promotion at work), and actually had to find a way to support myself as an independent adult (my parents making it quite clear that this was not ever going to be their responsibility), magically my 'disorder' ceased to assert itself and I was somehow able to take care of myself, find and retain full time employment, and interact with others without incident.
Wow, it's a miracle! Jesus saves!!
Actually, no.
I had learned by that time, after many years spent as a social and moral reject, that irresponsible behavior and inability to control one's demeanor does not lead to decent paying work (I also learned this due to no small amount of tough love from parents and teachers - thank the fates for them). Thankfully for myself, unlike the average ghetto thug I managed with my slight intelligence (which is doing better than most thugs) to make the conceptual connection that wanton thuggery = poverty, starvation, and death. And now this possible life course was staring me down in the face.
So I got my act together and shaped up.
And today I am steadily employed, not making the kind of money I would like but enough to get by. The years of youthful thug behavior have eliminated my chances for ever joining the middle class, but at least I still have a shot at a modicum of success.
So if I actually had a 'disorder', did it suddenly disappear overnight, when I received my diploma? Does 'high functioning autism' magically cure itself once the age of maturity is reached?
Or did the 'disorder' ever exist in the first place?
I notice that we are always hearing in the media about autistic youth - but we never seem to encounter any autistic adults.
Verrry interesting.....
Just another round of bullshit perpetuated by society to explain away and/or justify incompetence and lack of moral character. Sure, there are people with major developmental disabilities, who actually cannot survive without outside care, and some of them can be classified as "autistic" as that word is defined. The 'autism' which piques my ire is the so-called 'higher functioning autism', which in reality is a diagnosis looking for a patient, or a psychiatric professional scrounging for an inflated paycheck.
I know this from cold, hard personal experience.
When I was a youth, I had severe discipline and moral integrity problems. To sum it up without elaborating too much, this was caused by nothing more than my desire to be an asshole, because it felt good at the time, due to my ponderous lack of character. (Sounds a lot like a thug, doesn't it?) These behavioral 'issues' - actually grave character flaws - were 'diagnosed' by several psychiatric professionals as high functioning autism, specifically a fictional concoction which I will not name here since I have no desire to advertise an invention of dickheadery. This 'disorder' is allegedly a moderate to severe social interaction handicap to those who are so 'afflicted', which cannot be treated (except, supposedly, with expensive anti-depressant drugs and the like, which do absolutely nothing except fatten the wallets of the pharmaceutical industry), and is slated to doom its victims to a life of poverty or as a disability pensioner.
When I finally graduated from school (somehow I was miraculously able to do so without being arrested or institutionalized beforehand - that's good old public school social promotion at work), and actually had to find a way to support myself as an independent adult (my parents making it quite clear that this was not ever going to be their responsibility), magically my 'disorder' ceased to assert itself and I was somehow able to take care of myself, find and retain full time employment, and interact with others without incident.
Wow, it's a miracle! Jesus saves!!
Actually, no.
I had learned by that time, after many years spent as a social and moral reject, that irresponsible behavior and inability to control one's demeanor does not lead to decent paying work (I also learned this due to no small amount of tough love from parents and teachers - thank the fates for them). Thankfully for myself, unlike the average ghetto thug I managed with my slight intelligence (which is doing better than most thugs) to make the conceptual connection that wanton thuggery = poverty, starvation, and death. And now this possible life course was staring me down in the face.
So I got my act together and shaped up.
And today I am steadily employed, not making the kind of money I would like but enough to get by. The years of youthful thug behavior have eliminated my chances for ever joining the middle class, but at least I still have a shot at a modicum of success.
So if I actually had a 'disorder', did it suddenly disappear overnight, when I received my diploma? Does 'high functioning autism' magically cure itself once the age of maturity is reached?
Or did the 'disorder' ever exist in the first place?
I notice that we are always hearing in the media about autistic youth - but we never seem to encounter any autistic adults.
Verrry interesting.....
27 March 2008
Now for the serious stuff.....
The following is a reprint of an unpublished article (well, I guess technically it isn't a reprint then) that I wrote a while back when I was in a cynical mood. It bears great import for the future of our country and society!!
*********
An Assessment of Incompetence - Causes and Outcomes
All around us in this world we are faced with incompetent individuals. Perhaps for you it's that trashy next door neighbor that you always see sitting barefoot and shirtless on his front porch when you leave for work in the morning and return in the evening, and you doubt if he even has a job. Perhaps it's that disheveled, pathological loser coworker with the bad case of BO at the office, who can't seem to do anything right, no matter how simple or how much you try to break the task down for him. Perhaps it's a sibling of yours who has no job and still lives at home with your aging parents, who just can't seem to get her act together no matter how much you try to help her, and you're at the end of your rope there. Perhaps it's the obvious illiterates you have to deal with at the counter of the local fast food joint, who never can get your order right. You can find them in all walks of life. In any case, you know what they are. Do you ever ask yourself why they are what they are?
Why Incompetence?
*********
An Assessment of Incompetence - Causes and Outcomes
All around us in this world we are faced with incompetent individuals. Perhaps for you it's that trashy next door neighbor that you always see sitting barefoot and shirtless on his front porch when you leave for work in the morning and return in the evening, and you doubt if he even has a job. Perhaps it's that disheveled, pathological loser coworker with the bad case of BO at the office, who can't seem to do anything right, no matter how simple or how much you try to break the task down for him. Perhaps it's a sibling of yours who has no job and still lives at home with your aging parents, who just can't seem to get her act together no matter how much you try to help her, and you're at the end of your rope there. Perhaps it's the obvious illiterates you have to deal with at the counter of the local fast food joint, who never can get your order right. You can find them in all walks of life. In any case, you know what they are. Do you ever ask yourself why they are what they are?
Why Incompetence?
The explanation is simple. Incompetent people have no desire to be active players in life or anything else. They are, in a nutshell, afraid of taking risks, because they are above all afraid of failure. They fear failure because they wish always for other people to think highly of them. They desire this because deep down inside, they know they are rotten, since their prime goal in life is to extract as much from others for exerting as little effort as possible in return. So they must have other people always thinking highly of them, in order not to permeate their thin skinned personalities, their narcissistic self images. Though they may appear not to possess much self-esteem at the surface, in reality they believe that they are far superior to everyone else on the planet, are thus special, and should be exempt from the requirements of life such as working to support oneself and related things. This permits them to morally justify, semi-consciously, negative actions which harm others ranging from the trite to the barbaric.
They respond primarily to people who respond positively to them by stroking their massive egos (often, these hapless, well-intentioned individuals, unintentional victims of the incompetent’s ego complex, are doing it unknowingly). Even the worst incompetent may, admittedly, have a few surface facets of his personality which elicit positive responses from peers.
The incompetent, in order to protect himself from the simple fact that his delusions of grandeur come nowhere close to the reality, is on a race to the bottom. The question of how the massive disconnect between presumed normalcy, or even exceptionality, and incompetence comes to exist, however, has not been answered. The answer is several pronged, and may not be the same for every individual incompetent:
- The individual is so consumed with protecting himself from being thought of negatively by others that all his energies are consumed in avoiding the undesired outcome, and thus work and life is neglected. Ironically, of course, this behavior produces the very attitudes among peers that the incompetent desires to prevent. (A somewhat more productive method to deal with this is to presume everyone hates you anyway, and then to leave it at that, or otherwise set out to far exceed their most reasonable expectations of you.)
- The individual is a pure narcissist who above all puts himself first; thus any task not meeting his immediate, self gratifying needs is secondary and unimportant, and thus done poorly if at all. This thug-like character has not learned, or desired to learn, that cooperation and doing work unrelated to your immediate needs (such as in a job setting) is one of the few ways of sustaining one’s existence.
- The individual has a poor work ethic due to circumstances (sometimes beyond control, sometimes not) and life difficulties that lead to mental disengagement from the workplace. He may not actually be full of himself, but has so many pressing personal issues weighing on his mind that his work performance declines. These cases are salvageable; removing the life stressors which cause the work deficiencies will generally take care of the problem.
- The individual is an absent-minded fool who has not taught himself the rigor of concentrating on a sustained task for a long period of time. This person is very prone to slipping up on details, leaving “finished” tasks uncompleted, and is generally seemingly unable to learn from previous mistakes. While not as much of a narcissist as the other types, he seeks to get his work out of the way as quickly as possible to make time for self-indulgence. He has not learned the value of rigor of detail and doing a job right, and that others might be harmed or otherwise negatively impacted by his mistakes. In short, he simply does not think of others, except in situations when the opinions and actions of those others threaten to harm him, or more expressly, his livelihood, lifestyle, and/or habits. He can be counted on to defend his work ethic, which he rightly binds up with his moral character (or more specifically, lack thereof), even in the face of severe criticism. Above all, he hates criticism – even slightly critical remarks can send him into a depressed mood for days. Generally his incompetence is not completely, if at all, willful. In certain elements he may appear to be a model employee. However, personal behavior traits combine with an underlying narcissistic personality to lead to incompetence. At first, it extends primarily to minor, petty things (though even that can get you fired in the secondary labor market); though over time, if left unchecked, manifestation of these behaviors in important matters is inevitable. Eventually the employee can not be trusted and, if not outright terminated, has his duties reduced to those work tasks which he has demonstrated in the past to have exercised a reasonable level of competence in performing. In short, if he remains employed, his career for all practical purposes is immediately truncated.
- The individual is a thug. Meaning, of course, that he is a sociopath, extremely narcissistic, and violent; almost always possessing a criminal record, a poor to nonexistent employment record, and a history of violent, brutal, and unpredictable behavior. In truth, these individuals have far deeper problems than mere incompetence, and so we will simply leave it by saying that even if there were an employer actually willing to hire them, their willingness to work at a legal job for which they are qualified (which is primarily confined to minimum wage work) is questionable indeed.
- The individual truly cannot perform the required tasks due to hereditary, biological limitations on mental (or physical) aptitude. In this case the person is actually just plain “stupid” or unintelligent, either due to biological disorders (e.g. Down syndrome) or simple dullness on the IQ scale (think Forrest Gump), and care must be given at the start when choosing what lines of employment to pursue given his limited mental abilities.
In certain cases (except for the last), perhaps most, more than one or even all of the above factors may be jointly at work.
Symptoms of Incompetence
- Forgetfulness of small but crucial details
- “Cutting corners” at work
- Generally incompetent at work tasks – usually employee is shunted towards the simplest, least complex, most repetitive tasks available
- Refusal to initiate interpersonal relationships or ‘do their part’ in sustaining same
- Pathological shyness
- Unsanitariness (not brushing teeth, bathing, general unkempt appearance)
- Poor physical shape – often overweight/obese
- Bare existence – usually lacking money for more than the basics
- Poor financial competency – little to nothing saved, disrespect for valuables which then must be replaced
- Willful ignoring of proper response stimuli to other people
- Complete disregard of other people’s rights, feelings, or needs
- Generally held in very low regard by peers – perception of contributing little to society
- Makes a “show” of contributing but in fact contributes very little
- Pessimistic – a ‘loner’
- Tendency to interrupt when other people are talking
- Prone to occasional violent and fascist leaning thoughts
- Believes that the cards are stacked against them, that society is “out to get them”
- Very self absorbed, selfish, self centered - generally an whiny, snorty thug by nature
- Perceives personal “enemies” everywhere
- Peers attempt to avoid their presence whenever possible; can hardly tolerate being in their presence
- Unmarried, with few prospects for marriage or children – if male, women will consider being around them something akin to a life threatening situation
- Extremely present oriented – unable to plan ahead or perceive anything beyond the immediate moment
Major incompetence: The ultimate end of casual incompetence, major incompetence encapsulates all of the above behaviors/traits and more. Generally the lowest, least valuable, and least productive members of society, major incompetents are the primary denizens of the moocher classes – the welfare mothers, hustlers, street people begging for change, and others who apparently have decided that they cannot get along in life without the subsidy of the productive and confident. They are absolutely unable to cope with the demands of human existence in a free society and often bounce from personal crisis to personal crisis. These are the net drains on society whose incompetent behaviors and inability to cope with life have led them to their natural bottom – the life of an animal.
- Believe themselves to be quite competent at life, despite their overwhelming incompetence – actually have great self esteem, are overconfident and ‘full of themselves’
- Heavily prone to violence and outbursts of narcissistic rage, particularly if something is being denied them that they feel is their ‘birthright’ (such as food if they lack cash)
- Believe they are entitled to far more in life than they have been able to earn with their feeble efforts
- Often dream big, but plans invariably fall through
- Are usually the beneficiaries of some wealth confiscation and transfer program (welfare, disability, etc.)
- Extremely narcissistic and refuse to delay self-gratification
- Gratify themselves to excess despite the fact that their energies should be focused on more productive endeavors
- Generally have produced several children out of wedlock, and if male does not (and likely cannot) regularly support them, if at all
- Unable to obtain decent paying employment
- Unable to retain any type of permanent employment for more than a cursory period
- Prone to ‘walking off’ (what they perceive as an undesirable) job, even after just a few hours of work; or by extension, not even showing up for work after being hired
- Prone to substance abuse (drugs, alcohol, tobacco, etc.)
- Have absolutely no regard or feelings for other people, and will definitely harm others to further their interests
- Frustration with life in general
- Very low to extremely low levels of inate intelligence (this is intelligence divorced from academic achievement, aka ‘common sense’ or ‘street smarts’)
- Other people are completely put off by them and cannot bear to be in their presence for an instant – elicit extremely negative reactions from peers and strangers, to the point that they feel threatened enough to call law enforcement
- Has often violent fantasies involving women
- Has violent delusions of grandeur involving exertion of absolute power over other people’s lives (many politicians exhibit this trait)
For starters, don't become incompetent yourself. Do your best at whatever you do every day.
If you recognize yourself in the above description, and you understand the need for changing the way you are, you first need to understand that restoring yourself to the ranks of the productive is a long and difficult process. The most important thing, for the sake of your future employability and overall positive appeal to people who are not incompetents, is to restore your reputation as a productive, valuable individual. This never happens overnight; when people make up their minds about the kind of person you are, it's hard to change them easily. For many of the most far gone losers such as ex-convicts, it can take a lifetime (and then some) to restore themselves into society's good graces.
This inconvenient fact will likely make most of you turn around with your tail between your legs right back into the pathetic life you lead now. Just remember, before doing so, that incompetent people will be the first to die of starvation in the coming economic lean years.
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