Currently I am caught in a long term fatal vise which is certain to lead to personal ruin.
It may not be to-day, or to-morrow. It may not be next week, next month, next year, or even five years from now. But the day is inevitable when my supreme incompetence becomes exposed and explodes into a political embarrassment for certain persons in high places. And then when that day comes will the blade fall.
It could even fall for a less pressing reason. My innumerable life failures have traditionally been predicated by extremely trivial and outright stupid things.
My enemies skulk serpentlike behind my back, speaking in hushed whispers, plotting the chain of events which will lead to my certain downfall. They know which weaknesses to exploit, which screws to turn, which incidents to document, which behaviors to record for later criticism.
I am that easy a mark. Words do not describe how so far out of my league I currently play.
I have the mentality of a small child amongst grown men, rank immaturity amongst those for which the business of life is business, with no time to tolerate idiotic diversions. This makes me one of the walking dead.
This state of affairs cannot last much longer.
I feel the chill of agents of destruction in the air. My enemies are more restless than usual. A plot is up, and thick. There are secret movements being made in dark, unseen places on high to ensure my demise.
And when they have me where they want me, broken and destitute, what say I to them?
I caused this entire mess myself. I cannot compete with my intellectual, moral, and mental betters. They know how to function in the adult world. I am still a child waiting for my permanent subsidy from some angel of salvation.
Well guess what? The angel of salvation is a fiction. I have worn out my welcome from one subsidizer to the next. The last subsidy game in town is the State. And now it too has reached its limit of patience.
So barrenness and destitution awaits me. My deserved fate, as an unmigitated, unapologetic, complete and total failure and ruin.
I am worth more dead than alive.