07 July 2008

The end is near

For me on an economic level, that is. I can feel it in my bones; I can picture it in my head. Terminated, unemployed, broke, even further despised than before.

And wouldn't that just please the dickheads, the naysayers, and all my other enemies throughout the years who were, and continue to be, convinced that I can't succeed at any level, that I am incapable of supporting myself and living an independent life without screwing up spectacularly.

Well, events may prove them right yet.

My parents will be sorry to see this. With tail between my legs I will have to return to their abode, to hear their cries of yammering and hollering that are sure to ensue in this event.

And I don't even want to think about how I will find another job that pays anywhere near as well, or is as satisfying from a work standpoint, as my current position. Not that I am making mucho dinero, of course, but it sure beats being terminally unemployed and earning absolutely nothing. As I will be for a long time if I lose my job.

As you may be aware, the economy is not in the healthiest of conditions right now. (Though even in a growing economy, for me it seems to require a near-miracle to be hired anywhere.)

Well, maybe change needs to happen. I have been stuck in a rut as of late. Perhaps I need to go home and face the harsh unresolved realities of my life - no friends, family that despises me, few salable skills, etc. Perhaps I have been sheltered by my environment for too long.

What's funny is that these past few years have been unusually quiet and serene for me. Generally in my life it has been one crisis after another. I much prefer not having to deal with a personal crisis every week. I don't want to return to the bad old days, when just having to wake up every day was enough to depress me.

And the most ironic part is, I have been told that I am doing an excellent job and that I am an asset to the office. I would like to think that this is true. But you watch just how empty and hollow those words are as they drop me like a hotcake. In today's world, objective value is dead. It is the 'vibe' you give off which commends you or condemns you now.

But I am cursed in many ways, and fate cannot ignore me forever. I suppose these things are inevitable for me.

Let's hope that this crisis passes over and leaves me unscathed, and that I am able to keep my job and my life intact.

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