31 March 2008


Weekend television nowadays is filled with the most ridiculous content. Between multiple back to back screenings of The Godfather and The Godfather Part II on AMC this weekend (both fine films, but a bit slow and plodding, really best appreciated if you are obsessed with the Mafia film subgenre) I decided to indulge in my guilty pleasure - SciFi Channel weekend movies:

What can I say about these pathetic attempts at cinematic greatness that hasn’t already been said by a thousand film critics, professional or otherwise? Most of these films fall below even standard B movie schlock. The acting sucks and the ‘special effects’ are worse. And don’t get me started on the ridiculousness of the plots, or what passes for them. The worst part is seeing halfway decent actors like John Rhys-Davies (he seems to appear in a lot of these films – is he that desperate for work?) and the psychiatrist lady from The Bold and the Beautiful reduced to prostituting themselves out for the entire world to see.

I hate to admit this, but these movies snag me every time. The producers of this dreck know that it isn’t fine production values, good acting, or a coherent and believable plot that brings in the customers. They understand what it’s really all about: watching half-dressed and well-endowed nubile young women prancing around in the jungle in wet tank tops!

As much as I enjoy partaking in the visual delights of the full-figured female form, there is a clear and obvious line between respectful homage and sexploitation, and it’s been well breached here.

There’s a sucker born every minute, and the fact that these films continue to be produced and aired on television proves it. Well, give credit to the SciFi film producers for discovering the winning formula for hooking an audience today: LCD, as in Lowest Common Denominator.